


here, there... everywhere

by thefluffqueen



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Compliant, Consensual Underage Sex, F/M, Pezberry Friendship, Puckleberry Friendship, St. Berry, St. Berry relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-02
Updated: 2017-01-10
Packaged: 2018-03-20 20:10:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 14
Words: 24,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3663393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefluffqueen/pseuds/thefluffqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One-shots, drabbles and rewrites. My St. Berry collection. Also being posted on Fanfiction.net.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. and I need you now tonight

**Author's Note:**

> Every time I watch "Total Eclipse of the Heart", I feel that little side glance Rachel gives Finn is the proverbial last-nail-to-the-coffin for Jesse. I couldn't help but think, "What would have happened if that little slip hadn't come to pass?"

She stands in the front of the stony-faced glee clubbers, the three male leads of her ill-fated video scattered around the seats. Hudson (only thinking of the name has him seething) sits at her right, Puckerman plops down right in front of her (his glaring, pregnant girlfriend by his side, clinging possessively to his hand).

He sits at her left.

Brad starts playing and he bites back a bitter grin, recognizing the song from its opening chords. Figures. Only Rachel would pick a power-ballad from the eighties as a release to her feelings.

Hudson sings first.  **Turn around**.

Hudson sings first, but Rachel doesn't spare him a glance. She looks on the verge of tears, but never looks twice at her former beau, his biggest competition to the place of sole owner of her heart.

(His heart does  _not_ heal a bit at her blatant indifference at that talentless oaf.)

(At least that's what he tells himself.)

Her dark eyes are glued to his blue ones when she sings her part.  _Every now and then, I get a little bit lonely_ _, and you're never coming round._ She sings and seems to be struggling to keep her breath steady enough so her voice won't crack halfway through the verse. He keeps looking straight ahead, shooting small glances at her through eyes that, he knows, are furious and broken.

"You broke mine first," he just told her, and more truthful words haven't been spoken yet.

Then Puckerman sings.  **Turn around.**

Puckerman sings, with a smirk curving his lips as he watches her, with the intimacy of years of acquaintance. It's not only a broken, brief relationship that ties the queen of the gleeks to McKinley's self-proclaimed badass. It's a lifetime of shared faith, of missing parents (his father, her mother), of slushies to the face and honest apologies made in a McKinley's bathroom. It's a bond, born from proclamations of blossoming love in the shape of a Neil Diamond cover solo, and a difficult choice to be made, of decisions that meant more than words can say.

Still, Rachel's eyes remain focused on Jesse and Jesse only. Never wavering, she closes her eyes tightly as her fists clench, and her voice is heavy with heartbreak and regret.  _Every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears._

He takes the new verse.

 **Turn around** , he sings, and he's sure, he's absolutely sure, he has never sung so soulfully before. His voice, flawless thanks to his years under Shelby's hardcore tutelage, meshes seamlessly with hers, and he allows his wounded pride and broken heart to inject those two words with emotion. Vocal Adrenaline refined his technique. New Directions ( _Rachel_ ) gave him the emotion.

Tears bubble to the surface of her eyes as she opens them and locks them with his.  _Every now and then I get a little nervous that the best of all the years have gone by. Every now and then, I get little terrified and then I see the look in your eyes._

She's singing, yes. But she's also begging, pleading with  **him**. Not with Hudson, not with Puckerman, but with **him**. Her eyes never leave his, and this gives him that final push to take over the male lead.

This is her apology. Her declaration of devoted love. As long as she keeps looking at him with those pleading eyes, full of love, of pain and of apologies, he'll know he's the one she's picking. And he  **needs** this. He needs the reassurance of knowing she's sure of whom she wants. He needs the reassurance of knowing she's picking  **him**.

He sings again, feeling jealous eyes burning at the back of his neck. Hudson, of course.  **Turn around, bright eyes**.

 _Every now and then I fall apart_. He knows she does. He knows she falls apart, be it because of her insecurities of because she's the main object of their peers' abuse. It makes him mad with anger, how they treat her, how they take her for granted, when he knows every other choir with a master smart enough to deserve their place would be falling all over themselves to steal her away to their group, when he knows that she'd be the most perfect fit for Vocal Adrenaline.

 _And I need you now, tonight. And I need you more than ever_. She sings, and he can't help but question. Does she really? Does she really need him, can she not live if he's not in her life? They've been together for a really short time now, less than a month, but she's already such a big part of his routine, such a big part of who he is. He cannot imagine life without her - doesn't want to imagine life without her. He never believed he could find a woman who would accept being less important than his career, but then he met Rachel. And he wants everything -  **everything** \- with her: marriage, children, a family, a  **life**.

But, what about her? Does she want the same?

Her eyes are pleading with him when she carries on with her song, and his heart swells with hope.  _And if you only hold me tight, we'll be holding on forever, and we'd only be making it right, cause we'd never wrong._

His eyes soften as they meet hers, but he doesn't allow a small smile to curve his lips. Not now. But Rachel somehow picks on the subtle change in his demeanor, and her posture relaxes, eyes sparkling. His eyes shine back at her, and Hudson, apparently, registers the subtly mended bond between them, because he shifts in his seat, huffs in annoyance.

Jesse bites back a smirk of pure triumph. Rachel, however, ignores Hudson, her eyes never leaving Jesse. Jesse himself feels increasingly secure in their relationship. Yes, she slipped. So what? She gave in that desperate urge to kick her bad reputation up a notch by triple-casting him, Puckerman and Hudson as Joey to her Julie. It happens. It's not her first and it won't be her last mistake. She isn't perfect, neither is he (the secret he keeps from her weighs down on him). They are, however, perfect for each other, and that's more than any of the other couples in the room can say. Hell, it's more than half of the couples in the planet can say of their relationships.

 _Together we can take it to the end of the line. Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time. I don't know what to do, I'm always in the dark. We're living on a powder keg and giving off sparks._ Yes, they're giving off sparks, they have been since day one. Their chemistry, their attraction to each other, is too powerful for them to resist and will likely combust, leaving them burnt and hurt in its wake.

But for her, he muses, he'll take that leap.

 _I really need you tonight. Forever is gonna start tonight. Forever is gonna start tonight. Once upon a time there was light in my life, now I'm only falling apart. There's nothing I can say, total eclipse of the heart._ She's wrong, he knows. There still is light in her life. There will always be. He'll make sure of it. Rachel deserves nothing but happiness, and he'll make sure to give her all of it. Happiness, joy, elation. She deserves all the positive feelings there are in the world, and he wants to be the one to give them to her.

Jesse glances briefly at Hudson, whose eyes are narrowed as he watches Rachel's focus increasingly sharpen on her current boyfriend. Once upon a time her eyes would wander up to her former boyfriend, but not anymore. Her eyes never leave Jesse, never give Hudson any hope that he still has bits and pieces of her heart.

Today it's made obvious that Hudson doesn't have a claim on New Directions' female lead anymore. And Jesse allows all his repressed feelings to explode when he sings. Rachel's eyes brim with tears when her voice joins his, hesitant, fearful, but still firm, full of emotion. She's a diva, a queen - how can Schuester even entertain the hypothesis of not giving her every solo in New Directions? Rachel is the club's one true star, and Jesse will spend the rest of his life making sure she never doubts the true extension of her talent.

Their voices blend beautifully together, their eyes locked in a passionate stare.  ** _Turn around, bright_ _eyes._** _Every now and then I fall apart. **Turn around, bright eyes.** Every now and then I fall apart._

Hudson apparently gives up trying to catch Rachel's eyes and gets up. His gaze lingers hopefully over her in a last desperate attempt to reassure himself he still has some sort of chance with her, but Jesse realizes that Rachel is so focused on him that it doesn't even register with her that Hudson rose. His heart races with joy. She's  **finally** free of the beanstalk.  **Finally**. **  
**

_And I need you now, tonight. And I need you more than ever. And we'll be only making it right, cause we'll never be wrong. Together we can take it to the end of the line, your love is like a shadow on me all of the time. I don't know what to do, I'm always in the dark. We're living on a powder keg and giving off sparks._

Tears threaten to spill from her eyes, and one by one the other gleeks leave the room, following in on Finn's example. Puckerman has Fabray's hand within his own, and Jesse briefly wonders if Quinn knows just how lucky she is that Rachel doesn't really want Puck, how lucky she is that Rachel isn't nowhere as smitten with Puck as Puck is with her. Jesse is quite sure he's the only one who's fully aware of how strong Puck's feelings for Rachel are. He doubts Puck himself knows how much of his heart Rachel has in her hands.

And Rachel's heart is fully his now. Rachel is fully Jesse's.

_I really need you tonight. Forever is gonna start tonight. Forever is gonna start tonight. Once upon a time, I was falling in love, **now I'm only falling apart. There's nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart.**_

As this realization sinks fully into him, joy bubbles from deep within Jesse, and he rises from his seat, his heart clenching at the spark of panic within Rachel's eyes. Tears cascade down her cheeks as their voices mix powefully. No female lead has ever sounded better with him before her, no woman was a more perfect match to him than she is. They're the perfect fit, soulmates in the true sense of the word: physically, intelectually, vocally.

He comes to a halt in front of her, eyes locked as she stops singing, holding back her breath when he raises her hand and cups her soft cheek, feeling it sticky from her tears.  **Turn around, bright eyes...** He sings in a whisper, his lips crashing against hers in a sweetly possessive kiss. Rachel relaxes against him, hands clutching at his shirt as she pulls him closer and deepens the kiss. She's his now, as much as he is hers, and no one will come between them. Nothing.

The secret he's hiding, the identity of the woman who jumped at his barely concealed interest on Rachel after 'Don't Rain On My Parade' (the only thing he knew about her and her past before they sang their hellos in that music store), weighs down on him. Shelby's plans be damned. He knows now there's too much at stake to risk have it all blow up in his face by following Shelby's schemes. He has to tell Rachel,  **everything**.

But that can wait. For now, he just wants to enjoy having her completely for the first time.


	2. see how bright we shine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rachel changes her mind about 'Run, Joey, Run!'

She's editing her video for her glee assignment of the week, working quickly and efficiently with Artie, when she starts having second thoughts about this. Having cast Noah and Finn as well as Jesse for the role of Joey in 'Run, Joey, Run!', she's now halfway through editing the final cut when she realizes what's leaving her so unsettled.

She's not sure she has made the right call.

Even though they've been dating for a little while, she already knows Jesse like the back of her hand. She remembers how hard he worked during the shoot, and how much he devoted of his talent and how much he had demanded of her own. He gave his best, and demanded her best in return.

But, at the same time, Artie had told her Jesse had been the easiest to work with. Just like it was with her, Jesse knew what he wanted and how he wanted it to go, and had made it very clear to Artie. She, Jesse and Artie had made quite a good team, she thought.

And Artie had impressed them with his talent and his vision. After they were done for the day, and Mrs. Abrams had come to take Artie home, she and Jesse hung back at her house, talking quietly about Artie's potential as a director. Jesse had been effusive in his praise of Artie, and Rachel knew he had been genuine.

Noah hadn't been so hard to work with either. Actually, his only complaints stemmed from the fact that he hadn't been the one to shoot her, but it had been his idea to ask Mr. Ryerson to play Julie's dad, and the former glee coach had gleefully (no pun intended) accepted. Noah had worked hard, and had been a trooper even when the quality of the shots weren't up to her standards and she demanded they did them again. He had only moaned about the 'lameness' of the song. And, in the end, he reluctantly admitted it had been fun to work with her and Artie.

Finn, for his turn, had definitely been the worst of the bunch. He was always missing his cues, wanting to sing louder than the playback and never standing where they had set lightning up... Long story short, the work that had taken three hours to wrap up with Jesse, and six hours with Noah, took almost an entire day with Finn. And his voice... Lord, his voice! He sounded awful! How could she have thought they would make sweet music together? His tone was all over the place, cracking, hitting flat notes... Ugh, it would be better to forget, she's shuddering just remembering it.

Noah's velvet-like baritone had wrapped itself around the song, making it sexy, seductive. He had definitely improved since joining the club, even if he had rarely gotten solos (it had happened more often when Finn was lead, but, now that Jesse had joined, even Mr. Schue recognized she sounded better with her boyfriend than with anyone else and vice versa, thus ensuring she and Jesse sang duets quite frequently, something they did happily). However, it was clear his voice sounded better than before, and she made a mental note to offer Mr. Schue a list of song selections that would fit Noah's rich tone.

And Jesse... Well, Jesse's voice had **definitely** been the best of the three. His extensive training under Shelby Corcoran's strict tutelage paid off, and he sounded (forgive her the language) badass. It had been difficult to resist him after their shoot, because, if there was something that never failed to turn Rachel Berry on, that would be singing. And Jesse singing... Well, let's just say Jesse came very, **very** close to go where no man had gone before.

(Just the memory of how his fingers felt against her skin, the reverence of his touch, leaves her warm and blushing, even now. He breathed lyrics against her most intimate place, making her moan out his name. And then reassured her when she, nervous, unsure and inexperienced, tried to give him as much pleasure as he had given her).

Artie watches her, cautious, concerned blue eyes behind crystal clear lenses. She shakes her trance off (this is **not** the time to focus on how appealing and seductive her boyfriend can be) and smiles at him, her fingers coming up to rest lightly against Jesse's face, frozen on the computer screen. "Artie... Do you think we can start the whole edition over?" She asks quietly, then blushes lightly at Artie's small knowing grin.

"Of course, Rachel."

* * *

It's the night after she and Artie finish editing the video; she's in peace with her mind and now waits for her boyfriend to come over like he promised her earlier that day he would. All the takes with Noah and Finn have already been deleted from Artie's computer, and now the sole star of her video is Jesse. She has called Noah already and told him she had decided to reshoot the entire thing with Jesse starring only (she doesn't mention that work was already done; what Noah doesn't know won't hurt him, she thinks). Noah couldn't care less ("Berry, only that punk would see that crap as 'artistic' or whatever as you do.")

Finn, she decides, doesn't need to know.

But with Jesse she knows it's a completely different story. He deserves to know everything, from her initial plan of triple-casting the Joey role in her video to her final decision of making him the sole male star to her Julie. Her hands are shaking with anxiety because the one thing she doesn't want to happen is him breaking up with her because of the fact that, for a while, she considered casting his two rivals as a role he was more than perfect at.

_No, it won't happen_ , she tries to reassure herself. _He'll understand. He'll see that when push came down to shove, I changed my mind_ , she thinks more confidently than she truly feels, and she's so deep in her thoughts that the feel of big, warm, soft hands wrapping themselves around her slim waist startle her. "Hey." Her boyfriend's smooth, deep voice whispers against her ear, and she's scared almost half to death, making him chuckle at her surprise. "Everything okay?" He asks, his hands come to rest on her stomach, caressing it subtly.

"Yeah," she smiles and relaxes into his touch, placing a sweet kiss on his biceps as she snuggles against his chest. His chin comes to rest on the top of her head, and New Directions' power couple stay quiet for a moment, broken when Rachel takes a deep breath and turns around, big brown eyes locking with blue grey pools. Her hands comes up to rest against his fastidiously shaven cheek and he leans against her touch, with a soft smile that makes her smile equally sweetly.

"Jess?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you," she whispers in a timid murmur. It's the first time such words are spoken between them, and she inhales sharply, nerves deeping the chocolate shade of her eyes. But a grin blooms in his handsome face, his eyes twinkling in joy, and she relaxes. "I love you," she repeats, softly but bravely, and his grin stretches into a smile before he leans in and claims her lips with his.

"I love you," he says back, and a wide grin blooms on her face as she squeezes him in her arms.

"There's something I have to tell you, Jess. But promise me first that you won't be mad," she says quietly, stepping out of his embrace to take his hands on her smaller ones. Jesse's eyes cloud with worry and concern, and he squeezes her hands softly, his fingers leisurely caressing her palm as he focuses on her.

"You sound worried. Is there something wrong? Is it the video? You and Artie spent the entire day editing it, didn't you?"

She nods slowly, smiling slightly. "Yes, we did. But don't worry, everything went great. You were right: Artie definitely has future as a director." The pint-sized diva silences for a moment, then takes a deep breath. "Jess, as a rule I don't keep secrets, and that's why I'm telling you this, because I don't want you finding this out through someone else. I..." She hesitates for a moment and looks down. The words tumble out of her lips in a rush. "I had cast Noah and Finn as Joey too. For the video. The original plan was to include scenes from all three of you on the final cut, but, as Artie and I were working on it, it just... It just felt **so** wrong. It felt so wrong not to have you as the sole male lead, because you worked so hard and you gave your all and were unquestionably the best of all three. Not that it should be a surprise, of course, but you were the best and even Artie agreed."

She falls quiet, not daring to look up. Tears threaten to fill her eyes as Jesse doesn't say a word. "I... I'll accept and understand if you decide this is unforgivable and would rather break up with me," she whispers, letting go of his hands as she tries to back away from him. But then, it's his hands that hold her, keeping her from leaving as she clearly wants to do. His long, nimble fingers caress the back of her hand, and he puts one of his fingers under her chin, slowly lifting her face so their eyes meet again and lock. His other hand comes to rest on the curve of her cheek, softly caressing, gently wiping the moisture pooling in her eyes. A single tear rolls down her free cheek, and he leans forward, pressing a kiss right over the crystal droplet.

"Don't cry," Jesse whispers against her skin, resting his forehead against hers. "I hate it when you cry," he admits quietly and she sniffles.

"You're... You're **not** mad at me?"

"Oh, I am," he nods, then shrugs. "Or at least I think I am. But you didn't do it, Rachel. You could have left me in the dark, but you didn't. When it came down to it, you risked facing my anger and possibly losing me to be honest. I'm not going to stand here and tell you it's okay that you cast Puckerman and the beanstalk too, because it's really not, but I can understand your reasons for doing that."

She relaxes just a little, because he's speaking so sweetly to her, holding her so carefully, it doesn't look like he'll dump her. But she knows this conversation is far from over, so she doesn't allow his magnetism to overwhelm her, because she won't focus if she lets herself fall under his spell.

"Having said that, I need to know if I'm just wasting my time being second best to Hudson, Rachel. I'm saying this because I've changed my entire life for you and while I don't regret it - you're worth every change I've made so far - I also don't want to end up heartbroken because in the end you're going to decide he's a better match for you."

Rachel's eyes pop wide and she vigorously shakes her head. "Don't you **ever** think that, Jesse Jonathan St. James. I have never said 'I love you' to either Finn or Noah, but I have to you and I've meant it because it's true. I am deeply in love with you, honestly in love with you and only you." She cradles his cheeks with her hands, stroking his skin while her eyes meet his in an adoring look. "I love **you** , Jesse. Only you and you only."

He smiles big at her, leaning forward so their lips join on a sweet kiss. "I love you too, Rachel Barbara Berry."


	3. oh simple thing, where have you gone?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sunshine's first week in Carmel doesn't end as expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers: Mostly to 'Funk' and 'Audition'.

A pint-sized Filipino girl stands in front of the huge building, its classic architecture a stark contrast to the common look of the school she used to attend until a week ago. Her eyes darken as she remembers the prank, being sent to an inactive crack house, the fear and the panic that gripped at her heart until two young members of the tiny Asian community in Lima found her and drove her back home. She shakes her head slowly, trying to clear her brain from the memories and the hurt. "New school, new life," she whispers to herself the sentence that became her mantra, her motto, for seven days now, squaring her shoulders and holding her head up high as she marches towards the double wooden doors.

Teenage bodies move in the wide halls, talking in doubles, trios or groups, some keeping quietly to themselves as they busy with picking up the books and binders they'll need for their school day, others lazily hanging out by their lockers, killing time until the hour comes for their classes to start. Having been instructed by the school's show choir coach to go find him every day once she arrives at Carmel High (house of the much respected Vocal Adrenaline, four-time national champion), Sunshine Corazón makes her way to the auditorium, frowning as she hears the sound coming from within, the muffled sounds of a song slipping from beneath the locked doors (she tests the doorknobs, uselessly).

"I wonder what's happening in there?" She asks herself, quietly, but shrugs and flits back to the busy halls, going to the registration offices so she can ask for directions to her first class of the day.

* * *

 

As she walks towards the cafeteria for lunch, Sunshine can't help but reflect the obvious absence of several Vocal Adrenaline senior members from class - especially Jesse St. James, the handsome former lead that ruled the team until the end of the previous term and, rumor has it, postponed going to UCLA on a full ride in order to win his former girlfriend back (Sunshine sighs dreamily as she wonders who the lucky bitch is, because St. James is the boyfriend every mother wants for their daughter).

"Funny how all VA members were out of class today, don't you think?" Sunshine asks Janelle Stevens, a girl from her Chemistry class who looks wide-eyed at her.

"Haven't you heard?" Janelle asks, rolling her eyes at herself thanks to the curious glance Sunshine sends her way. "Of course not, otherwise you wouldn't be asking. Actually, only the Vocal Adrenaline veterans were allowed to miss their classes for the morning - you know, the ones who get to decide who is admitted after auditions and who gets dismissed? Giselle, Andrea, Chris... Jesse and Mr. Goolsby called them last night telling them to come in bright and early. Apparently some new girl wanted to try out for VA and she's close to Jesse. She must be good, I mean, Jesse..."

Janelle trails off as they walk to the cafeteria, eyes wandering out of habit to the VA table and widening in shock as she sees an unknown girl sitting there. "Holy shit, she  **has** to be good. I mean, she's already sitting at their table and..." The girl falls silent again, jaw falling to the floor as she sees Jesse lean against the unknown newbie and press a sweet kiss to her temple. "Well, I'll be damnd. I bet my prada our mysterious candidate is Jesse's infamous girlfriend." She smiles." Looks like he won her back, after all."

Sunshine, confused, looks to where Janelle's looking and feels her jaw drop to the floor as her heart tears open. For she recognizes the petite brunette sitting next to Jesse, with his arm thrown in casual possessiveness over her shoulders, a smile curving her lips as he whispers in her ear.

She  **knows** the brunette who leans in towards Jesse St. James, pressing a quick but sweet kiss to his lips, his smirking mouth meeting her smiling one as the other Vocal Adrenaline members watch his former-male-lead-turned-assistant-coach whisper two unmistakable words against her lips.  _Love you_.

"It's Rachel Berry," she mumbles, shocked. Janelle gasps, shocked, eyes going from Rachel and Jesse to Sunshine and then back.

"McKinley High's glee club lead?" The blonde girl asks, frowning. Sunshine nods, and Janelle's frown deepens as she registers the stunned disbelief on the Filipina's face.

_No. No way. She can't be a part of VA._ "Maybe she's not a Vocal Adrenaline member," she stammers, trying to sound convincing. "I mean, she's obviously his... his  **girlfriend** ," Sunshine all but spits the last word, disdain dripping from her lips, causing Janelle to raise her eyebrows at this. "So she can be sitting there just because they're dating, but not because she's part of the team."

"Well..." Janelle grins conspiratorially, "we can go ask," she says as she loops her arm around Sunshine's and pulls her towards the wide Vocal Adrenaline table. Sunshine's eyes never leave Jesse and Rachel, who are now talking enthusiastically with Chris and Andrea, Jesse's arm still around Rachel's shoulder, her back pressed against his side. Jesse every now and then presses kisses to Rachel's neck and shoulder, always grinning. When he speaks, Rachel looks adoringly up at him, like she can't believe this is actually happening.

"Hey, guys!" Janelle calls brightly out, heads turning towards her. Janelle is part of Carmel's arts program, being a painter instead of a performer, but in Carmel all the members of the arts programs are part of the same circles, so it's not surprising that Andrea, Jesse, Chris and several others smile and greet her warmly. "Sunshine and I missed you in class this morning. Hi, I'm Janelle." The perky blonde holds out her hand to Rachel, who smiles shyly back and holds out her own hand, shaking Janelle's.

"Rachel Berry," she says, before turning to Sunshine with a guarded look on her face. "Good morning, Sunshine."

"Hey, Berry," Sunshine nods stiffly back before smiling shyly and slightly flitartiously at Jesse. "Hey, Jesse," she said, missing the subtly suspicious way Rachel narrows her eyes at this and fighting down a frown at the way Jesse's eyes sparkle in amusement, a smirk on his lips - not the charming kind of smirk that sends Sunshine's heart racing and makes her stomach flutter with excitement.

No... This time, Jesse's smirk is a mix of amusement and pride: amusement at Sunshine and pride at Rachel. It's almost like he knows what kind of humiliation she went through thanks to Rachel and revels on it. That possibility makes Sunshine's cheeks burn, not in flirtatious shyness, but in downright shame. "Hi, Corazon, how are you?"

"I've had better days," she answers truthfully. "You?"

"I've never been better," he replies, eyes looking down to lock with Rachel's, and the former McKinley student blushes adorably and smiles. "I guess you've met my girlfriend Rachel? She's a Carmel student now." His voice is thick with pride and joy, and Rachel giggles, hiding her face on the crook of his neck before looking up at him.

Sunshine nearly gags on it and can't avoid but sneak in a little jab. "Really? Last I heard she was dating Finn Hudson," she says sweetly, making Rachel's contented smile vanish and Jesse frown. But, before any of them could reply, Andrea smirks.

"Jealous much, Corazón?"

"Of  **Berry**? Please." Sunshine rolls her eyes derisively. "She can't handle a little competition. That's why she sent me to that crack house." A malicious smirk curves the Filipina's lips, Janelle watching in stunned disbelief. "She felt threatened by my talent, didn't you, Berry?"

Jesse's eyes, dark with anger, are stormy as he prepares to put Sunshine on her place, but Rachel beats him to it. Smiling up at Sunshine, she leans back on his embrace, and he wraps both his arms around her waist, his entwined hands leaning on her shirt, over her flat stomach.

"Threatened? By  **you**?" A big laugh escapes her lips and she raises her hands to her eyes to falsely wipe theatrical tears. "Thanks, I needed that." Rachel leans back in Jesse's arms, a condescending smile curving her lips as she stares Sunshine down with obvious pity. "Sunshine, please. Look at me and then take a good, and I mean  **good** , look at you. Who is better? I mean, I'm more talented, more driven, prettier, stronger, tougher and, somehow, I'm still taller than you. If anything, what I wanted to avoid by sending you to that  **inactive** crackhouse was to have more solos stolen from me."

"Aye, aye!" Jesse calls enthusiastically, making the others laugh.

"Thanks, baby," Rachel replies, giggling, before she turns her attention back to Sunshine. "Besides, I was  **invited** to join Vocal Adrenaline-"

"So was I!" Sunshine yells, shaking with anger; Andrea and Giselle snort in open disbelief, eyebrows raised so high that they almost mingle with their hair roots.

"No, you were  **bribed**. Coach Goolsby dangled a condo and the visa in front of your face and off you went," Rachel shoots back. "I had nothing to gain by leaving McKinley and New Directions-"

"Is that true?" Sunshine says maliciously, a pointed stare towards Jesse as she desperately grasps to the remains of her dignity, cheeks heated in shame and embarrassment. Rachel looks condescendingly down at her.

"First things first, Jesse isn't a toy to be gained. He is a person with feelings that deserve respect and care. Second, I wasn't sure where Jesse and I stood when Coach Goolsby came to my home."

"I was, am and will always be yours, babe," Jesse whispers, pressing a kiss to the back of Rachel's neck.

"I like her," Sunshine hears Giselle whisper theatrically to Andrea, who chuckles and nods in agreement.

Clenching her fists, Sunshine manages a small, mocking smirk to Rachel, whose fingers are lazily running up and down Jesse's left arm while she presses a sweet kiss to his bicep. "Oh, please tell me you're not buying all that crap," she tells Rachel, leaning down in her direction. "Only last week he was hitting on  **me** , just so you know. He turned the charm all the way on." The exchange student whispers conspiratorially, anger clutching at her insides and a small voice screaming at her to  _shut up, shut up, shut up!_

But she ignores her, because she wants Rachel to hurt, to suffer, to feel the same shame, fear and humiliation she felt at that freaking crackhouse, at knowing she wasn't welcomed and embraced in McKinley (she doesn't feel welcomed and embraced in Carmel either, but now she has nowhere to turn to, so she's forcing herself to stick it out).

Rachel's silent, steely eyes locking with Sunshine's, but the triumph surging in the latter's heart is quickly dashed by the booming, velvety laugh coming from beside her rival. Startled, she looks in that direction and sees Jesse still chuckling. "Oh, my God. You  **really** are desperate, aren't you? To confuse politeness with flirting..."

"At least I didn't cheat on my boyfriend with the competition-"

"You know what? This is fucking  **it** ," Andrea says suddenly, standing up and coming to stand so close to Sunshine that the younger girl is forced to take a step back. "You have to back the hell off. Seriously. This whole 'jealous-ex-something' act you're putting up is  **pathetic**. Grow the hell up and move the fuck on. Jesse and Berry aren't going to break up just because a desperate little girl thinks getting a good morning and a smile from a polite, well-mannered guy means they're a thing. God, you're not even  **that** much of a talent. I mean, you can't even keep up with our **dancing**!"

Andrea then turns to look at a smirking St. James, who has Rachel giggling with her face tucked in the curve of his neck. "Jesse, good call with convincing Goolsby to snatch Rachel away from that losers. She's the perfect successor for you."

"Aw, chucks, Andrea! Thanks!" He replies teasingly. "You're going soft in your old age, you know?"

"Shut it, St. James," the redhead replies playfully, while Rachel squeals, "Jess!" at the same time.

Andrea smiles indulgently at the young pair, before turning a stony, derisive gaze to a Sunshine that, once again, feels humiliated. "Why couldn't you be in the US last year? You'd make a perfect target for a funkification - one much better than Berry, that is. I'm pretty sure funkifying you wouldn't lead to massive, grueling rehearsals as punishment, dished out as courtesy from Jesse here."

A tiny gasp leaves Rachel's lips, and she turns liquid eyes to her boyfriend, who, turning a soft shade of red and glaring quickly at Andrea, begins to whisper quietly to Rachel. A minute later, a teeny, tiny sob escapes Rachel, and she throws herself at her boyfriend, her arms wrapped around his neck. Jesse's own eyes are also tearful, sorrowful and upset. "Don't cry," he whispers, sweetly kissing her hair. "I hate it when you cry."

Sunshine is a mess of feelings. She's angry at Rachel being in Carmel, stealing not only her spotlight and the people she thought were her friends, but also the boy Sunshine decided would be hers. She's humiliated at listening what the senior members of Vocal Adrenaline really think of her (she's not stupid enough to delude herself into thinking Andrea is the only one who thinks of her like that). She's ashamed at her behavior towards another woman's boyfriend. She's embarrassed. She's hurt. And, deep, deep down, she's profoundly envious of Rachel Berry and of everything the other girl has and has achieved.

As realization sinks in that the entire scene has been witnessed by Carmel's whole student body - or, at least, most of it; Sunshine's sure that those who haven't watched it will do so through the phone videos that she notices are being made - Sunshine blushes a bright red and ducks her head, slowly walking away from the Vocal Adrenaline members table, from Jesse St. James and Rachel Berry.

As she leaves, she wonders if it's too late to beg her mother for a ticket back to Manila.


	4. why don't we go somewhere only we know?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Rachel settles into single life, two of her peers conspire to bring back her one that got away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written before "The Prom Queen" aired and before I watched the promo for it.

**S** he's sitting on her table, smiling softly as she watches her friends sway together to the romantic song the DJ is currently playing.

Noah and Santana are basically fused to the lips, Noah being okay with his on-off girlfriend being bisexual and Santana making all of Noah's not-so-secret fantasies of girl-boy-girl threesomes come to life. Brittany and Artie are also on the dancefloor, the tall blonde nestled on his lap, their foreheads touching as he slowly rolls them back and forth and they whisper to each other.

Kurt and Blaine, the former having been crowned prom queen and the latter having declared himself prom king, are dancing on the middle of the dancefloor, singing softly to each other, smiling and snuggling. Lauren and - shock of the shocks! - Jacob (!) are sitting on a table near the dancing pairs, Jacob giving his date the starry-eyed looks he used to throw Rachel's way.

Mercedes and Matt are talking, her giggling, him smiling (having come back for the night, especially to take Mercedes to prom). A dateless Sam (just like her) is talking to Tina and Mike, who have just vacated the floor after being there for most of the night; Sam and Mike are clearly making impressions, and Tina is laughing at their silliness.

Quinn and Finn are nowhere to be found; the blonde head cheerleader stormed out after Kurt was announced prom queen, and Finn followed after her to try and calm her down.

Thinking about the missing couple, Rachel sighs and runs her hands down the pale red dress she chose so many months ago, back when she was Finn's girlfriend; before Sectionals, and Santana's revealing of Finn's lies, and her own (confessed) hook-up with Noah. Before Finn's secret liasons with Quinn, and the (literally) sick way it was undiscovered, before  _Firework_ and  _Get It Right_.

Like Sam, she went dateless to prom, the poster child for female independence. And, contrary to what many believed, she didn't stay put the entire night. No, the guys in the club rallied around her, and she twirled around the floor to  _Sweet Caroline_ and  _Need You Now_ with Noah, popped and locked to  _Gives You Hell_ with Mike and recreated her  _Give Up The Funk_ partnership with Matt. She took over the female lead on  _(I've Had) The Time Of My Life_ and sang with Sam, rocked to  _Take Me Or Leave Me_ with Mercedes, jumped up and down with Blaine as they sang  _Don't You Want Me_ one more time and brought her inner diva out to play as they recreated their _Get Happy, Happy Days Are Here_ _Again_  duet.

But then the slow part of the dance began to play, and everyone but Sam and her paired off, leaving her with no choice but to go sit down as  _Hello_ began to play, forcing her to give her best to ignore the last time she heard it - more than a year ago, in the local music store.

(She also tries to suffocate the memories of inviting black curls, mischievous blue-grey eyes and of teasing smirks in soft red lips. Her heart evokes glimpses of passionate kisses, of shared plans, of common dreams and of two shattered hearts.)

It's been a year since she last saw or heard from Jesse. The last time she laid eyes on him was on Regionals last year, when their eyes crossed and his showface slipped for a second during his performance of  _Bohemian Rhapsody_ with Vocal Adrenaline - a performance that gave them Regionals and a victory that was solely his. Vocal Adrenaline is a bunch of soulless automatons, but in that specific evening (and Rachel, with clear eyes and a quite-but-not-quite healed heart, can admit that now) Jesse St. James was filled to the brink with feeling.

Jesse and she don't have any sort of contact, and she has been quite busy with her insistent pursuit of Finn, but that doesn't mean her ex is far from her heart or her mind. In fact, he often pops up in her brain whenever Finn does something hurtful towards her, be it laughing at jokes made at her expense, tuning her out as she talks or whatever.

_I guess Katy Perry had it right when she said second best is all I would know_ , she muses with a wry smile. Sipping from her glass of punch, she turns to look at the stage and misses the knowing twin smirks that blossom on Noah's and Santana's faces as they look towards the double doors.

* * *

**J** esse St. James has. no. fucking. idea why he stands at the double revolving doors that lead to William McKinley High's gym, where the school's prom is currently taking place.

All he knows is that Puckerman called a few days back and told him in no uncertain terms that Rachel is single and moved on from Finn and going dateless to the dance, and that he expected the older boy to be there, "if you know what and  **who** is good to you, St. Jerk. Hurt her again, and I'll fucking  **kill** you. Like, legit."

He was sold to the idea the moment the words "She's fucking moved on from Finnderella, for good this time" left Puckerman's lips.

His eyes scan the mass of hormonal teenage bodies gathered around the gym, and he recognizes most of the gleeks, all of them coupled up (his eyebrows shoot up in surprise as he sees Brittany currently locked in a passionate kiss with  **Abrams** ), but there's no familiar head of chestnut brown locks amongst them. He's about to give up his search when, from the corner of his eye, he sees a shadow standing up. He turns to look fully at that direction -- and finds the tiny diva wannabe he's searching for.

And the mere sight of her leaves him breathless.

She looks astonishing. Wearing a pale red cocktail dress in a shade that nicely complements her tanned olive skin and delicately shows off her curves in all the right places, she's easily the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. Her long, silky hair falls down slim shoulders in gentle waves. And, in that exact moment, there's nothing he wants more than to sink his fingers in her strands, pull her flesh up against his and slant his lips possessively over hers.

His eyes lock with Puckerman's, who is swaying in the middle of the dancefloor, and his unspoken rival nods at him with a satisfied smirk. All wrapped up around Puckerman, there's Lopez, a vision in golden pink and also smirking.

Jesse nods back, still fairly surprised that Puckerman isn't taking his chance with Rachel. He has always felt Puck was the one to look out for when it came to Rachel's heart, not Finn. Yes, Rachel  **thought** she was in love with the talent-free beanstalk, but Jesse noticed the simmering chemistry between his then-girlfriend and her fellow Jew. He knew, right away, that, if given the chance, Puckerman would allow himself to love Rachel, and would make her fall for him and give his all to make her happy.

With soft and tentative steps, Jesse makes his way towards his ex. As a lesser-known song from one of the world's most famous boy bands begins to play, couples find their way back to the nearly empty dance floor and a smile curves the corners of the former Vocal Adrenaline lead's lips. He comes to stand straight behind the woman of his life; the sweetly seducting aroma of her perfume reaches his sensitive nose as he stands mere inches away from her, feeling the heat of her body and with his fingers tingling with the urge to touch the silky soft exposed skin of her slender shoulders.

Jesse leans forward, breathing in the scent of her as he whispers softly in her ear, "I think this song perfectly describes what my words will never be able to convey."

_Everybody knows that I was such a fool_

_To ever let go of you_

_But, baby, I was wrong_

_Yeah, I know I said we'd be better off alone_

_It was time that we moved on_

_I know I broke your heart; I didn't mean to break your heart_

* * *

**R** achel is startled as the velvety rich tone of a familiar voice whispers in her ear, her heart stopping for a moment before hammering away against her ribcage as a voice and a scent that have followed her in her dreams for months to end overload her senses. Slowly turning around, her breath catches in her throat as she comes face to face with Jesse St. James for the first time in more than a year.

He is smirking slightly, his hand holding out to her in an unspoken invitation as his eyes move quickly to the full dancefloor.

Instinctively, Rachel takes a step back, fear flashing in her eyes as she slowly moves away from him, her head spinning as she tries to understand his presence on her prom. However, before she can flee from the packed gym, his hand takes hers and he pulls her close, a pleading look in his eyes.

_But, baby, here I am, banging on your front door_

_My pride's spilled on the floor_

_My hands and knees are bruised_

_And I'm crawling back to you, begging for a second chance_

_Are you gonna let me in?_

_I was running from the truth, now I'm crawling back to you_

The pint-sized brunette inhales sharply as their bodies come in contact, her arms instinctively coming up to rest on his broad, Armani-clad shoulders, her fingers tangling in the short, silky hairs on the back of his smooth neck. The warmth of his body burns her, leaving her tingling all over, his arms wrapped around her slim waist and his palms splayed on her back.

As the two bodies begin to gently sway to the beat, he begins to sing softly to her, " _I know you're in there, but you can make me wait, cause I'm not going away. It's the least that I could do, just to tell you face to face. I was lying to myself, now I'm dying in this hell. Girl, I know you're mad. I can't blame you for being mad._ "

One of his hands moves to tap her chest, right over her heart, and she blushes slightly, suddenly realizing he is aware of everything that has come to pass with her since the last time they saw each other. As if reading her mind, Jesse presses a sweet kiss to her nose, a small smile curving his lips as he runs a finger over her schnoz before tapping it gently. The gestures make her giggle, and he smiles softly in response.

The lightness of the moment vanishes as he pulls Rachel even closer, taking one of her hands from his neck to rest it, palm splayed, on his chest, over his own heart. Her fingers curl around the lapels of his coat, their eyes locking as he brings his face close to hers and whispers the next part of the song, " _If you could see the tears I'm crying, touch those hands that can't stop shaking, hear my heart that's barely beating, you would see a different man._ "

Rachel blinks in disbelief as she notices his blue-grey pools swim with tears. She also feels the way his hands are almost imperceptibly shaking around her waist, and beneath her hand his heart is racing. Tears bubble to the surface of her own eyes as she realizes he fully means the words of his song, that this is no secret scheme to make her fall back in love with him (as if she ever fell  **out** of it) and then hurt her again down the road.

(She doesn't think her heart will survive it if she's wrong.)

_But, baby, here I am, banging on your front door_

_My pride's spilled on the floor_

_My hands and knees are bruised, and I'm crawling back to you,_

_Begging for a second chance_

_Are you gonna let me in?_

He never manages to end his second round of the chorus, because a soft, warm pair of lips slants over his, wetness sticking to his cheeks as his brain quickly tries to catch up to what is happening. Rachel tugs at his lapels, bringing him impossibly closer as the tip of her probing tongue traces the outline of his mouth.

A relieved sigh of thanks escapes his lips and is collected by hers; he squeezes the voluptous curve of her ass, her body fully pressed against his as he opens his mouth to the sweet exploration of her tongue. She moans as his own tongue tangles, wrestles and duels for dominance with hers, one of her hands stuck between his body and hers and the other tangling on his perfectly coiffed locks as she pulls his head down for a (an even more) passionate kiss.

"Hey!" There's a catcall from the direction of the dancefloor, and the newly reunited couple breaks apart to look there: Puck is smirking, and Santana is giggling. Rachel blushes madly and smiles shyly up at him, and Jesse grins like the cat that ate the canary (or, as Puck will later say, like the lucky son of a bitch that managed to be forgiven by one of the most amazing girls in all of Ohio). "Get a fucking room, you guys!" Puck hollers, winking at them.

Jesse laughs and Rachel groans, burying her face on his perfume-scented shirt and giggling quietly, the sound muffled by his body. He squeezes her a little, and she smirks playfully up at him, looking straight into her eyes. "Your rendition of  _Crawling Back To You_ was flawed. You totally lack the needed emotional depth. But you're talented," she teases, and he laughs even more, pressing an open-mouthed kiss to her giggling lips.

He understands the words for what they are - a new beginning.

A new chance.

A clean slate.

(He won't mess up this time).


	5. talking to the moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His heart stops for a moment. They're the best performers of this year's regionals. And they're to perform - together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Glee and its characters belong to Ryan Murphy, FOX and their respective associates. The song belongs to Bruno Mars.

**T** hey've lost.

_How is it possible_ , she asks herself as she watches, shell-shocked, her former boyfriend taking her mother in his arms and holding her tight, both grinning widely, no trace of his show-face in display. Rod Remington approaches Jesse and hands him the huge, shiny trophy, and with a triumphant bark he lift it in the air. Rachel and the rest of New Directions watch, Rachel's hand clutching tightly at Artie's shoulder, the wheelchair-bound boy repeating softly, "We didn't even place," as Rachel tries to keep her tears at bay, and Santana, Brittany, Mercedes and Tina give up all resemblance of control and cry in earnest.

She is not going to cry in front of Jesse and of her mother. She. is.  **not**.

Rachel takes a deep breath, trying to keep her shaken emotions steady, and turns to her fellow glee clubbers, preparing to tell them to walk out of the stage, leaving the soulless automatons to their victory party and undeserved win, when Josh Groban, with a fake smile on his lips, approaches the mic.

"As you're aware, every year the Ohio Show Choir Board picks two singers out of the competing glee clubs, a male and a female, to award them prizes for the best male and female performance. Then, the winners have to perform an impromptu duet, together," he says, a crazed gleam in his eyes. Rachel freezes up and turns back to the front of the stage, her heart hammering within her ribcage.

Olivia Newton-John approaches Josh from the left side of the stage, with a big grin and a golden envelope on her hand. "And the Best Male Performance in 2010 Regionals is..." She opens the flap, pulls the thick golden card out, reads the name and grins even wider. "Vocal Adrenaline's Jesse St. James for  _Bohemian Rhapsody_!"

_Of course_ , Rachel thinks with a bitter smile and begrudging pride. As a fellow star in the making, she's mature enough to acknowledge that no other boy was better than him that evening, even if the judges missed the second his show-face slipped as his eyes connected with hers.

Coach Sylvester approaches Josh from the right side of the stage, with small, black-framed glasses on her face and the now-infamous golden envelope on her hand. Someone nervously grabs Rachel's hand - she looks over her shoulder and meets Kurt's concerned gaze. She tries to give him a nonchalant shrug, but he looks at her with wise eyes and she sighs.

It's like everything goes in slow motion. Coach Sylvester opens the envelope, pulls the pale golden card out, takes a look at the name written on it, clears her throat. "And the Best Female Performance in the 2010 regionals is..." She makes a pause, eyes fleeting from where New Directions is huddled together to the anxious faces of the Aural Intensity's girls and the knowing, win-it-all smirks of Giselle Torres and Andrea Cohen from Vocal Adrenaline.

"... New Directions' Rachel Berry, for  _Faithfully_!"

* * *

**H** is heart stops for a moment.

They're the best performers of this year's regionals.

And they're to perform - together.

His eyes wander to where she stands, stiff and tense, an incredulous look on her face as her teammates erupt in celebrations around her. Hummel is holding her tight, whispering God knows what in her ears, before passing her to Lopez, Brittany, Puckerman, Tina, Chang, Rutherford, Abrams and, last  **and** least, Hudson.

Jesse looks over to Shelby, who is smiling slightly as she watches their competition shouting and screaming. She recognizes the glimmer of pride in her dark eyes when they meet his own, and he wonders if she notices Rachel has still to hug anyone in return, or react in any way to the news that she won for best female performance.

"Go get her," Shelby whispers to him as she gently shoves him towards New Directions. He squares his shoulders, walks slowly to the gathered teenagers, who fall silent as he approaches them. Rachel is pressed between Puckerman and Hudson, who glare at him (he's almost certain Puckerman  **growls** at him), but he ignores them as he holds his hand out to Rachel, whose fase is guarded as she looks wearily at him.

"Come with me," he says softly, a reassuring look on his face as Hudson clings to her a little tighter. Hudson glares at him and opens his mouth to, undoubtedly, bark to him a stupid retort that is supposed to make him flinch, but will only make him laugh at the taller boy's expense, so Jesse ignores him and focuses on Rachel only. "Rach. Slide your showface on and come with me. Don't leave your audience waiting."

His words seem to shake her off her shocked trance, and he sees only a glimpse of her vulnerability before a look of determination falls over her face. She squares her shoulder, flashes her biggest, brightest,  **fakest** grin and loops her arm around his. Jesse sees Puckerman frown as he closely watches them, but then he and Rachel are standing in front of Josh, Olivia and coach Sylvester, who hand them their trophies and congratulate them. Rachel is graceful as she takes her trophy from Olivia, a smug little grin curving her full lips before she turns to Sue Sylvester and shakes her hand. Josh Groban gets a nod.

Jesse shakes Olivia's and Josh's hands as well, goes against her example and nods stiffly at coach Sylvester. The other woman nods back, and the three judges usher Aural Intensity, New Directions, Vocal Adrenaline, Schuester and Shelby offstage. Jesse rests a hand on the small of Rachel's back and shivers slightly at the jolt of electricity that runs through him. He itches to do more, kiss her properly, tell her everything he left unsaid before and after their breakup, but holds himself in and leads her to the grand white piano.

"Are you familiar with Bruno Mars'  _Talking to the Moon_?" He asks her quietly as they sit down on the bench. She nods slightly and he plays a little, leaning towards her to whisper, "You look beautiful."

Rachel startles for a moment and their eyes meet. She stays silent, nods stiffly. "Thank you. Let's get this over. Just play. You start, St. James," she whispers as she rises from the bench and goes to lean against the piano, her back turned to him.

**I know you're somewhere out there, somewhere far away**

**I want you back, I want you back**

**My neighbors think I'm crazy, but they don't understand**

**You're all I have, you're all I have**

**At night, when the stars light up my room, I sit by myself**

The audience falls silent as Jesse begins singing, pouring all the emotions he has on the song, hoping Rachel will understand  **why** he chose this song, what he hopes will come out of it. They've been apart for only two weeks, and he has come to realize how arid and lifeless his life is without her. And, honestly, he hates it. He wants his old life back, wants her back, wants everything back: the kisses, hugs, plans, laughs, the future they're supposed to have  **together**. They're perfect for each other, and he'll be damned if he doesn't make her see it.

**Talking to the moon, trying to get you**

**In hopes you're on the other side, talking to me too**

**Or am I a fool, who sits alone, talking to the moon?**

Rachel's hands are clutched into fists, her eyes closed. She knows Jesse as well as she knows herself. She knows why he has chosen this song. She can read between the lyrics. God, even  **Finn** can read between the lyrics and pick the underlining message up.

And, God, she wants to believe him. She wants to believe him so badly. But she doesn't think she can, her trust is still shattered, her heart still too broken to be glued back together.

_I'm feeling like I'm famous, the talk of the town_

_They say I've gone mad_

_Yeah, I've gone mad_

_But they don't know what I know_

_Cause when the sun goes down someone's talking back_

_Yeah, they're talking back_

_At night when the stars light up my room, I sit by myself_

She knows her voice is thick with tears and she's not sounding her best. But a glance to the audience, to the women sitting on the front row wiping their eyes, to Mr. Schue who is sniffling, to Shelby who is smiling softly and proudly, looking at  **her** , and she realizes they don't care a bit to the way her voice is sounding. They're reacting to the raw emotion she's pouring into the song, and this makes her bold.

So, she turns to Jesse and slowly makes her way to him, their eyes locking as she begins her run of the chorus.

_Talking to the moon, trying to get to you_

_In hopes you're on the other side, talking to me too_

_Or am I a fool who sits alone, talking to the moon?_

They harmonize together and he nods with a soft smile as she approaches him - and her mind flashes back to the first time they did this, the first time they sang together, a boy, a girl, 'their' piano and a slow song, kindred spirits recognizing and reacting to each other. Her eyes fill with tears, but only a single perfect drop runs down the curve of her cheek as she comes to sit down next to him. A broken look passes through his face as he leans forward and presses his lips against the crystalline droplet. "Sorry," he whispers against her skin, and both close their eyes, hearts racing.

**_Do you ever hear me calling?_ **

**_Cause every night..._ **

**_I'm talking to the moon, still trying to get to you_ **

**_In hopes you're on the other side, talking to me too_ **

**_Or am I a fool who sits alone, talking to the moon?_ **

Their voices mesh together, and the rest of the world vanishes, much like it did when they sang their hello. They don't notice the soft look of understanding on Puck's face, or the scowl on Finn's. They miss the way Santana's glaring at the taller boy, warning him to stay away from Berry and just "get the fuck over her already because she's in love with St. Jerk and always will be". Brittany is by her side, a serious look on her face as she nods in agreement with her best friend. They don't see Kurt with his chin resting on Mercedes' shoulder, tears rolling down his face from his red and puffy eyes, or Tina sitting on Artie's lap with her cheek against his head and her face soaked.

**I know you're somewhere out there**

_Somewhere far away..._

The applause that breaks out on the auditorium tears through their trance. Rachel blinks lazily and hurriedly and discretely wipes at her eyes as she turns to the audience, who is giving them a standing ovation - there's not a single dry eye in sight. Rachel gives a soft smile as she curtsies and stands up, Jesse right behind her.

Rod comes out from backstage with a bouquet of red roses and hands them to Rachel, who smiles brightly and honestly and thanks him. Jesse, standing next to her, is relieved to notice her showface is gone. But his relief turns into ecstasy when he feels her soft, small hand grasp his - her nimble fingers entwining with his and squeezing them softly but definitely.

A look passes between them - an understanding. They're not okay (far from it, actually), but they're on the road to recovery. Relief washes through him as he squeezes her hand back and kisses her cheek gently, a small smile curving his lips. A genuine one.

(Shelby's the only one who sees this, and she smiles).


	6. a fire in the heart of a ship laid bare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He gave her a little smirk, unaware of its effect in Rachel, the way it sent her heart into somersaults.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written after I watched (and freaked out over) the promo for "The Prom Queen" (a.k.a. Jesse's glorious return). You might remember we didn't get much of that promo other than a breathless Jesse and Rachel disbelievingly asking him what he was doing there.

_There's a fire starting in my heart_

_Reaching a fever pitch, and it's bringing me out the dark_

_Finally I can see you crystal clear_

_Go ahead and sell me out, and I'll lay your ship bare_

**S** he was walking past the April Rhodes Theatre when she heard it. The echo of a voice she hadn't heard in close to a year, singing a song she was planning on doing at Glee (for Finn,  **of course** ), a voice that managed to make the song even more emotional, a voice that caused goosebumps to raise on her arms, moisture to dry in her mouth, her heart to race and desire to coil into her stomach, which was fluttering with butterflies.

"It can't be..." She whispered, an icy feeling running in her veins as she stopped going towards the choir room and instead detoured to the auditorium through the backstage entrance. As she approached the closed door, the song grew higher, the performance sounding more soulful, angry, furious, hurt. It was a jumble of feelings that had her heart clenching, brain panicking as she noticed she could still tell how he was feeling from the way he sounded while he sang.

As she stepped into the obscured theatre, a delicious and now unfamiliar jolt of electricity zapped down her spine, straight to her tightly coiled insides, as heat pooled on the apex of her thighs and she blinked slowly, shocked by the intensity of her reaction to him. Their physical attraction was always strong ( _hello, he got to second base within days!_ ), but never had she reacted to his proximity this powerfully.

She lurked into the shadows of backstage, eyes widening, heart halting as she caught sight of him. He was dressed in his usual black attire, his hair looking longer but still curled stylishly, a shawl wrapped around his neck and swinging along his long and lean(er) body.  _Sweet Garland, it's really_ **him** , she thought, eyes drinking him in, heart jumping to lodge to her throat as he sang how they could've had it all. (Could they?)

Jesse St. James.

Tears pooled in her eyes as she watched him, a small smile curving her lips as she noticed how he sounded better, more mature, more human, nothing like the angry soulless automaton he was when she had seen him last. Somehow he made his version of the remarkable soulful song by Adele  **his** , turning it sexier, more appealing. Heat crept up her spine as his body moved flawlessly to the beat, and she moved forward against all he instincts, her brain screaming at her to get out while her heart seductively whispered for her to go ahead.

She now stood on the borderline between the safety of the darkened backstage and the danger represented by the lit-up spotlights onstage. She now had a chance to make - should she remain where she was, seeing but never being seen, reveling on the raw, passionate performance she was unknowingly giving her, or should she reveal herself to try and find out what exactly he was doing there?

"Jesse."

_Reveal myself it is_ , she thought wryly, stepping into the illuminated stage and surprising him, who turned around panting. Her eyes widened and her heart pumped wild adrenaline into her veins as their eyes met, also for the first time in nearly a year (she spent weeks pondering what he was trying to tell her through the last look they shared, while he was onstage performing with his team and she was in the audience holding to her showface with every ounce of will power she had).

"Rachel."

* * *

_See how I leave with every piece of you_

_Don't underestimate the things that I will do_

_There's a fire starting in my heart_

_Reaching a fever pitch, and it's bringing me out the dark_

**H** e felt her the minute she stepped into the theatre. Okay, so he wasn't  **sure** it was her - but the star performer in him recognized the weight of eyes on his figure, and the tingle that had the hairs on the back of his neck standing up warned him who his lonely spectator.

He always knew when she was around, because his body reacted to her in the most unusual way. It was like he had a Rachel-radar tuned to his body, because first his heart raced, then his skin tingled, and the star-in-the-making within him always came out to play, infusing his performances with feeling and emotion, something that had come to his advantage the last time his eyes found hers. It had been her presence on the audience that won Vocal Adrenaline last year's regionals, and she didn't even know it.

As he sang the soulful hit by Adele, he could feel her hesitation. Part of her, it seemed, wanted to stay where he was, in the dark, watching him without being seen, an option he was sure she would pick, for admitting she was there meant coming face to face with the person she had trusted the most, who had shattered that precious gift in the most hurtful way possible. His heart swelled within his chest as he counted his small victories, however, choosing not to focus on their hurt-filled past. She was near him and watching his performance, a sure sign that, in some deep, maybe even unconscious (on her side) level, they still had the connection that had brought them close and had them living madly in love within a happy bubble before it had been burst by the interference of outside people. Schuester, Puckerman, Giselle. Hudson. Shelby.

"Jesse."  _Seems she finally made her choice_ , he thought with trepidation, blood thundering in her veins as the sound of his name leaving her lips in that breathless way made his jeans a little tighter.  _Holy shit, not_   _ **now**_ , he thought desperately, trying to cool down the first seeds of the raging hard-on he was so used to get around her when they were dating.

Panting, he turned towards her, his heart coming to a halt inside his ribcage as his eyes met hers. She looked transfixed, even surprised to see him there - given that he was singing, out of all places, in her glee club auditorium, he could see why she was shocked - but  **beautiful**. Her hair was longer (only slightly), bangs seductively framing her slimmer face as a small smile curved her lips.

"Rachel," he panted out, conscious of his sweaty brow, his mussed hair, the shawl hanging limply from his neck (in his defense, it was an exceptionally cool day outside for May), his cheeks rosy from exertion, while she stood in front of him, crisp and beautiful and sexy as hell, looking at him a little like the starstruck girl he had casually met on the local music store a year before. His heart clenched as he longed for those lost, easier days, before eggs and triple-castings and lies and secrets exposed and a devastating breakup.

"W-what are you doing  **here**?" She asked, shocked and a hint of joy in her voice as she spoke to him, a small smile on the full pouty lips he desperately wanted to kiss.

He gave her a little smirk, unaware of its effect on Rachel, the way it sent her heart into somersaults.

_The scars of your love remind me of us_

_They keep me thinking that we almost had it all_

_The scars of your love, they keep me breathless_

_I can't help thinking_

 


	7. can we make this dream last forever?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rachel and Jesse have a picture perfect prom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written before I watched The Prom Queen, so I was unaware of what happened during Rachel's junior prom.  
> Disclaimer: Glee and its characters belong to Ryan Murphy and FOX. The song is 'Can I Have This Kiss?' by Kelly Clarkson.

**J** esse watches with a soft expression as Rachel sings 'Jar of Hearts', and is almost sure he's the only one who sees the song for what it is. It's her final goodbye, her farewell, her breakaway from the toxic hold Hudson has had on her for the best part of two years. So forgive him if this gives him hopes that his second run as her significant other will be more successful than the other one.

During Blaine's, Brittany's and Tina's rendition of  _I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You_ , he twirls her around, goofing off, dancing and laughing and just being entranced by her beauty. He brings her body close to his, whispers, "You're looking beautiful" and presses several kisses to the thumping pulse point on the delectable curve of her neck, making her laugh and pretend to push him away while simultaneously curling her fingers around the shoulders of his coat.

But, of course, Finn has to act like a scorned boyfriend and go all macho on him, thinking he's looking out for Rachel but actually managing to lose point with both Rachel **and** Quinn, the two girls trailing after Sue Sylvester when the older woman arrives to break up the farce of a fight Finn tried to forcefully engage Jesse in.

(Of course Jesse didn't fall for the oldest trick on the book. He would never give Finn a reason - another one - to beat him into a pulp.)

Rachel is immediately behind Coach Sylvester, furious, upset and so worried. Furious with Finn - who does he think he is to ruin her and Quinn's prom like that? Quinn's in tears and Rachel has her hand inside of Jesse's while she screams Finn's head off. "I told you you'd lost the right to have a say on who I go out with the minute  **you**  dumped **me**! I've been supportive and respectful, mostly, of you with Quinn, but  **of course** you can't be mature enough to extend me the same courtesy!"

"Shut up, Berry," coach Sylvester barks, and the brunette spitfire turns to her.

"Ms. Sylvester, you're being incredibly unfair to Jesse. He was just making sure I had an amazing high school experience when Finn tried to goad him into a fight!" She said, high-pitched and frantic while Quinn's busy berating Finn and simultaneously trying to save her makeup. "Finn tried to punch Jesse, and Jesse simply dodged it. Jesse doesn't deserve to be kicked out!"

The four teenagers and the teacher reach the latter's office. Sue sits down behind her desk, slams her desk drawer closed and exhaustedly massages her temples. "Fine, Berry. You go and take Marvelous Melvin back. But you're still out, Jolly Glee Giant."

"But, Coach Sylvester!" Quinn sputters in outrage. "Finn and I are running for Prom King and Queen!"

"Sucks for you, Q," Sue repeats, and Quinn growls in anger before pushing past her boyfriend and her former coach, storming out, while Jesse and Rachel make their way back to the gym, Rachel nearly doubled over with relief and Jesse overjoyed at her firm defense of him against Finn Hudson and his hypocritical sense of self-righteousness.

 Once they're back in the gym, Rachel squeezes his hand, and Jesse looks at her, a question in his eyes. Her hand comes to rest on the curve of his cheek, a soft smile on her lips as she flicks back a rebellious lock of hair that falls stubbornly on his forehead. "Thank you," she whispers, and Jesse smiles softly, understanding what she means. The former VA lead sweetly kisses her on the forehead, before letting go of her.

"Pay attention, okay?" Because I mean every word," Jesse whispers as Rachel looks at him, confused, before pressing a quick but passionate kiss to the corner of her delicious mouth.

Rachel nods dumbly, watching as he lets go of her hand and marches purposefully towards the stage. Noah's there, rocking out to the King's _A Little Less Conversation_ , and he steps back as Jesse jumps on, leaning against him to whisper something in his ear. Noah's wide eyes fleetingly move to where Rachel stands, and he mouths something to Jesse, who fiercely nods. Puckerman shrugs in response and nods, finishing his song and handing him the mic.

_Excuse me for this... I just want a kiss._

_I just want to what what it feels to touch_

_Something so pure, something I'm so sure of._

_What it feels like to stand outside your door_

_I'm unworthy, I can see you're above me_

_But I can be lovely given the chance_

Jesse sings and Rachel's eyes go wide, her heart beating wildly in her ribcage as she pays attention just like he asked her to. She has never heard of this song before - he was Always introducing her to new artists and new singles - but somehow, as Jesse sings, Rachel Wonders if **he** wrote this song himself, because it fits them so perfectly.

_Don't move, I want to remember you just like this._

_Don't move, it's only a breath or two between our lips_

Then Rachel recognizes the lyrics and rushes towards the stage. Noah helps her up, and Jesse takes her hand in his as Brittany hands her a mic. Jesse's eyes lock with hers, and his thumb lazily strokes the back of her hand as they gently sway to the beat. Noah jumps off to the dance floor and finds Lauren, twirling her gently as they dance together.

**I know why you left, I can't blame you myself.**

_Must be hard living with ghosts and such an empty shell_

**I tried to warn you, I've been a mess since you've known me**

_I can't promise forever, but I'm working on it_

**_If I can't hold you, can I give you a kiss?_ **

**_Can I have a kiss?_ **

Rachel shudders the moment their voices blend together. Sure, they had sung _Rolling in the Deep_ just a few days ago, but it wasn't the same vibe. That duet was fueled by the bad blood between the two of them, the hurt and the pain and the heartbreak of their devastating Split. This duet is the extreme opposite. It's filled with emotion, with sweetness, with promise.

_I see that you're thorn - I've got some scars of my own._

_Seems I want what I know is gonna leave me hungry._

**Don't move, I need to remember you just like this**

**All I have, all I can give to you, I will.**

_Just promise this_

**_If I can't have forever..._ **

**_... Can I have a kiss?_ **

_Can I, can I, can I have a kiss?_

The crowd bursts into cheers and applause as Rachel and Jesse finish singing, panting, Jesse with a smirk on his lips and Rachel blushing shyly but smiling brightly, genuinely. Jesse throws an arm around her shoulders and presses a kiss to her temple, whispering into her ear, "So... can I?"

The tiny brunette giggles and tugs at his hand, pulling him backstage. "Who knows? Try your luck again by the end of the night," she says, winking, and, as Jesse laughs, she feels good about herself for the first time in months.

(Jesse gets his kiss and a bunch of others.)


	8. learn to fall in love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jesse finds out there's an issue keeping him from performing with Vocal Adrenaline in Regionals.

**J** esse St. James stands in the shadows of the auditorium, meditating as he tries to focus on the performance ahead. Vocal Adrenaline is the last choir to perform, after Aural Intensity (currently onstage presenting a mashup of Olivia Newton-John's and Josh Groban's songs) and... New Directions.

His easy breathing goes erratic when he remembers catching sight of Rachel Berry, his girlfriend until a week before (when he betrayed her by deserting back to Carmel and Vocal Adrenaline **and** egging her, a known vegan), looking simply **breathtaking** on her deep golden and black dress, a black headband on her shiny hair. She looked distracted, pensive, surrounded by the goons she calls her teammates, Puckerman's arm heavily draped over her shoulders, whispering only God knows what in her ear.

_No. Not now. I can't think of Rachel now. I have a fourth consecutive National championship to win, he thinks as he struggles to refocus on his breathing and on the performance ahead._

But, when he has barely managed to regroup, his phone vibrates against his thigh. Groaning in annoyance, he pulls the gadget out of his pocket, taking the call without checking the caller ID first. "What?" He barks dryly, his eyes still closed and his head leaning against the wall behind him. He can distantly hear Andrea and Giselle bickering, Carrie warming up, Chris laughing.

" _Jesse St. James?_ " An unknown male voice asks, anxious and concerned. " _This is Kieran Thompson from Carmel's registering offices. There's an issue with your transfer back from William McKinley High..._ "

Jesse slowly opens his eyes, a frown marring his handsome face. "What's wrong with my transfer back to Carmel?" He asks quietly, dangerously.

" _W-well, Mr. St. James, you see... Some papers of yours got lost in the back and forth... Including the one thar closed your transfer process from McKinley._ "

"What does that mean, Mr. Thompson?"

" _Long story short, Mr. St. James, it means that for all intents and purposes you're still a McKinley High student_."

Kieran Thompson's words knock the air out of Jesse's lungs, his brain blissfully empty of all thoughts. He's not enrolled in Carmel... He's not a Vocal Adrenaline member.

He's still in McKinley High.

One thing only flashes in his mind, making his heart speed up in excitement.

_He's still part of New Directions._

Mr. Thompson's talking again, something about being able to pull some strings and manage to work the problem out quickly, but Jesse cuts him off. "Thank you for your warning, Mr. Thompson. I'll let Coach Corcoran know of this impediment and report back to McKinley High immediately."

" _Mr. St. James! Don't you want me to deal with this for you?_ "

A small smile blossoms in Jesse's full pink lips. "It has already been dealt with, Mr. Thompson. It has already been dealt with. Have a nice weekend," he says as he disconnects the call, loosening his tie and marching quickly towards Vocal Adrenaline's green rooms. Once he arrives there, Shelby and Giselle are thankfully absent, doing God knows what. He finds Chris and taps him on the shoulder. While he was in McKinley, Chris had taken over his place as lead and done quite a competent job.

"Chris."

"What, St. James?" The older boy snaps, stretching his muscles.

"You're lead. I have to run. My choir needs me."

Chris' eyes go wide in shock and confusion. "What do you mean, St. James? **We** 're your choir."

"No, you're not. I'm still enrolled in McKinley," he says as he takes the bright pink shirt off, black pants and black suspenders. Chris' mouth is opening and closing, no sound escaping his lips as Jesse discards his costume for _Bohemian Rhapsody_ and, after a beat, decides to keep his slacks and tie, choosing to put a crisp white tee on. "Look, man. This is your shot at being lead at a big competition. You sure you wanna keep me around?"

This seems to snap Chris out of his shock, and he smirks knowingly. "This is about Berry, isn't it?" He chuckles when Jesse shrugs and playfully shoves his shoulder. "Get lost, competition. Go."

With a nod, the now former VA lead picks his backpack and clothes up, and rushes towards New Directions' green room. Through the speakers he realizes Aural Intensity's turn onstage is coming to a wrap, and he hurries. Thankfully, he runs into just who he wanted.

A lonely Finn Hudson is pacing back and forth along the hall that leads to ND's green room. Jesse astutely slinks into the shadows and, when his rival paces by him, a swift slam of the side of Jesse's hand to the base of Finn's skull has the talentless oaf knocked out like a light. With a smirk, the older boy takes Hudson's shirt off and sneaks into the nearest empty dressing room. He drags his suspenders down, quickly puts Finn's shirt on and effortlessly drags Hudson into the dressing room, locking him in.

"All set," he says with a smirk, triumphantly strolling towards the entrance he knows Hudson and Rachel would use to make their way into the auditorium.

_Let's get Rachel that trophy. Maybe Rachel_ **and** _that trophy?_

* * *

  **R** achel Berry is fidgeting in anxiety. Time is ticking away to the start of their performance, and Finn's nowhere to be found. The first accords of 'Faithfully' ring, and the female lead of New Directions freezes before spiralling into panic.  _This wasn't how we rehearsed_ , she thinks frantically and is about to rush to their coach when a voice she'll recognize until her dying day beautifully sings the part that was, supposedly, Finn's.

**Highway run until the midnight sun**

**Wheels go round and round, you're on my mind.**

_No way_ , she thinks, stunned.  _It can't be!_

"Rachel!" Kurt, who has been around giving the last touches to her hair, softly pushes her towards the entrance, hissing in her ear. "Go! It's your cue! Go, go, go!"

With that, he rushes to the backstage. Rachel takes a deep breath, squares her shoulder, firmly slides her showface in place and tugs the curtains open.

_Showtime_ , she thinks and steps into the heavily illuminated audience.

_Restless hearts sleep alone tonight_

_Sending all my love along the wire_

Her ears hasn't betrayed her. It  **is** him being her male lead.

Rachel's heart skips several beats as her eyes meet and lock with Jesse St. James' blue-grey pools. His showface is utterly absent as he slowly makes his way towards the stage, on the other side of her. Hidden behind deep burgundy velvet drapes, the members of New Directions look at each other, puzzled and upset, recognizing the voice, confused on exactly why St. Jerk is singing with Rachel in Finn's place.

(Meanwhile, a dazed Finn Hudson is slowly coming back to consciousness.  _Faithfully_ 's blasting from the speakers, and he owlishly blinks before he realizes he's out of his costume and not onstage. He panics and tries to tug the doorknob open. However, the doorknob breaks on his hand. Now desperate, he slams his shoulder against the locked door, trying to break it. His shoulder snaps with a loud noise and he falls back in pain, clutching the now broken bone.)

Outside, Jesse and Rachel reach the stage, and he takes her hand in his, her teary eyes silently questioning him. Their voices mesh together as he laces her fingers with his, his thumb softly caressing the back of her hand before he lifts it to his lips and sweetly kisses the silky skin. Rachel blinks tears away, a small shiver rushing through her in response to his caress.

_**They say that the road ain't no place to start a family** _

_**But right down the line it's been you and me** _

_**And loving a music man ain't always what's supposed to be** _

_Oh, boy, you stand by me_

**_I'm forever yours, faithfully._ **

The sizzling chemistry and raw emotion emanating from the New Directions' leads seduce the judges right away. Never before has infamous Jesse St. James sounded so soulful and meaningful. His rough voice, eerily similar to Journey's lead man, makes a beautiful match with the dulcet tones of Rachel Berry, giving  _Faithfully_ a new twist that makes it unique. Even Sue Sylvester can't find in herself a hint of disdain to display on her face as she watches the performance.

Standing in the wings right across William Schuester, Shelby sees, for the first time, her daughter and her star pupil sharing a duet. Her eyes flood with moisture, but she finds in herself to glare warningly at Giselle, who's fuming poutingly by her side. William himself has a reluctant smile on his lips, obviously impressed. Rachel hasn't ever sounded this amazing, and Jesse has never sung so emotionally before. In fact, it's the first time Rachel seems to convey emotion other than grief in her singing since Jesse left. He doesn't know what happened that brought Jesse back, but he decides then and there to have a talk with the boy about it later.

_Circus life, under the big top world_

**_We all need the clowns to make us smile_ **

_Oh, through space and time_ **(through space and time)**

_**Always another show** _

**Wondering where I am, lost without you**

A silent sob leaves Rachel's lips as she sings, standing center stage, holding Jesse's hand as she allows all her pain to come out of her through her voice. Jesse brings her close to him and twirls her so that her back is pressed against his chest, his arms wrapped around her waist as they begin to gently sway. Her hair gently tickles his chin, and her scent - Victoria's Secret Love Spell body mist - surrounds him. He breathes in deeply, feeling settled and home for the first time in days. He takes a step back, and Rachel twirls within his embrace, her hands coming to rest on his golden-covered chest.

_**And being apart ain't easy on this love affair** _

_Two strangers learn to fall in love again_

**And I get the joy of rediscovering you**

**Oh, girl, you stand by me**

_**I'm forever you, faithfully** _

Letting Rachel go, Jesse gently steps away from her as the curtains pull open and reveal the ten other members of New Direction scattered around the makeshift platform, harmonizing to their singing. Rachel notices they all have their showfaces on, except for Noah and, surprisingly, Santana and Brittany, her former beau and her supposed nemesis smirking while the ditzy blonde grins in joy. She and Jesse steps in line, side by side, with the rest of  **their** time, and a quick glance at the wing leaves Rachel with a racing heart.

Shelby is there, watching and wiping the tears off her eyes with a proud smile. The smile of a  **mother** watching as her daughter does what she loves most. Jesse looks at the same direction and smiles, softly squeezing Rachel's hand as they harmonize with the rest of New Directions and bring the song to an end.

_** Oh, oh, oh... ** _ **  Faithfully **

_ Faithfully, I'm still yours _

**_ Oh, oh, oh...  _ ** _ I'm still yours _ _   
_

**_ Oh, oh... I'm still yours _ **

**_ Faithfully _ **

 

* * *

**T** hey win.

Of course they win. Was it ever a question that they wouldn't?

Chris does quite a good job on  _Bohemian Rhapsody_ , but it can't beat New Directions' ( ~~read: Jesse and Rachel~~ ) emotionally charged cover of  _Faithfully_. The McKinley choir also performs a mashup of  _Any Way You Want It_ and  _Loving Touching Squeezing_ , as well as a new version of their first anthem  _Don't Stop Believing_. During the latter, Puck does some inappropriate dance moves that leave Rachel gasping with laughter, pressing against Jesse, who takes the opportunity and the easygoing mood of the song to smack a kiss on the back of her neck.

Rachel reacts with a delicious shiver, and Jesse looks down to hide his smirk.

(She feels his heart racing, and grins, wide and bright. Their fingers weave together, and she leans against him. Jesse's smirk melts away into a soft smile as their eyes meet again and he realizes she has  **happy** tears glistening in her eyes. Her grip on his hand is firm, and this win feels like his first true one. He has the trophy. He's going to Nationals.)

(He has his girl.)

(Of course, it doesn't hurt that Hudson's carried out of the theater on a stretcher, whining over a broken shoulder, and Rachel hides her face in Jesse's shoulder so she can muffle a giggle that he hears anyway.)

 


	9. you always were the perfect fan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If she thought her daughter was glowing while onstage belting out a Streisand classic, she has no words to the happiness in Rachel's face when she rushes towards Jesse.

**S** he stands in the back of the auditorium, long dark hair falling sleekly against her shoulders, an expression of awe on her face. It's only the third time she has seen her 16-year-old daughter perform, but the longtime coach in her recognizes the improvement from the two previous opportunities. The first time, during the 2009 sectionals, Rachel's voice was powerful, but the performance seemed overall impromptu, unrehearsed. During the following Regionals, she had been too broken, too emotional, undoubtedly over her recent, egg-induced, breakup with Jesse St. James (who she sees sitting near the stage, staring at her glowing daughter with a smitten look on his handsome face.)

But now...

Rachel's once again belting a Barbra classic,  _My Man_ , but this time her voice's simply flawless. It's strong, passionate, sad but hopeful - the voice of a potential Nationals winner. Her eyes move over the audience, settling exactly where Jesse sits, and a soft expression appears on her face as she smiles sweetly.

Shelby blinks from her seat - this is certainly unexpected. Not Jesse being there (Shelby shared time enough with the boy to know he genuinely loved her daughter), but Rachel being...  **happy** to have Jesse there. Last she heard, Jesse was the second-to-last person Rachel wanted to see in front of her.

The last person, of course, is Shelby herself.

She feels her eyes growing moist when she remembers the heartbroken look in Rachel's face when she suggested they were grateful for each other from afar. She also remembers the massive bitching she got from Jesse when he stormed in her office at Carmel and ranted for over an hour about having to comfort Rachel and wipe her tears. How could she be heartless?

Sure, Shelby got her payback only a handful of days later when she basically threatened to make Jesse sing soprano for the rest of his live because of his role on her daughter's egging. Still... It had hurt her heart like a bitch to hear what her heartlessness with Rachel's feelings had caused to her older daughter. Of course, Jesse's reply that the hurt he had caused Rachel didn't compare to the one she caused when she coldly asked who was the heartless one after the egging stole all the pleasure she felt from her threat.

Clenching her teeth together in an effort to hold back in the tears that threaten to roll down her cheekbones - the same cheekbones she sees in a much younger face, now lovingly looking at an equally charmed boy on the audience - Shelby applauds as Rachel brings the song to an end and joins the rest of her team to their group number, Lady Gaga’s ‘Born This Way’. She smiles as her daughter dances and sings backup to an Asian girl, to an African American girl and an effeminate boy. With 13 members now (new teammates included an overweight girl in glasses and a very handsome boy who has ‘LIKE BOYS TOO’ emblazoned on the front of his white T-shirt), New Directions seems more rehearsed and driven, and she ponders for a moment that they can give Vocal Adrenaline a run for their money.

Far too quickly for her tastes the number is over, and the audience is giving a standing ovation and Shelby takes the opportunity to sneak out unseen. She has done what she wanted – to check out on her daughter from afar. But then she remembers the look of joy in Beth’s face whenever the nearly one-year-old does something she innately knows her mother will be proud of, and something inside of her wants to see the same emotion in Rachel’s face. To make sure her daughter knows how proud she is of her. So, she finds her way towards backstage. To Rachel.

She’s waiting for New Directions to pour out of the stage into the common room when she hears Jesse’s voice, hard and protective behind her. “What are you doing here, Shelby?” Sighing, the former Vocal Adrenaline coach turns to her former male lead, shocked at the fierceness and hardness in the grey-blue eyes.

“What do you think, Jesse?” She replies, flicking back a lock of hair and desperately hoping she doesn't sound and look as nervous as she feels.

Jesse sighs. “Haven’t you hurt her enough last year, Shelby?” He says, running his fingers through his stylishly disheveled curls. He seems so much wiser, so much older – so much like a man instead of the spoiled boy she remembers.

“You love her”, she whispers in awe, and he nods once, solemnly.

“I do. More than anything in the entire world – sometimes I think even more than myself”. He faces her head on, his eyes shining with determination. “I swear to God, Shelby, I won’t let you break her again. She doesn’t deserve that”.

She knows he’s telling her the truth. She can remember the fierce boy who faced a storm to sit down with her inside her car and beg her not to hurt Rachel. So she nods. “I won’t. I promise”.

He looks at her, really looks and sees she means that. So he nods back and turns when he hears Puckerman’s voice coming from somewhere. A few minutes later, her coat draping from her arm, Rachel comes out bouncing, a bright wide grin on her lips as she talks excitedly with Tina. Then her eyes meet his and Shelby is completely astonished.

If she thought her daughter was glowing while onstage belting out Streisand, she has no words to the happiness that lights up Rachel’s features when she rushes towards Jesse and jumps in his arms, babbling excitedly about the rush she got from being onstage. Her former pupil laughs and silences her with a kiss. “You were amazing”, Shelby thinks she hears Jesse whisper, and Rachel blushes but is still beaming.

That is, until her eyes meet Shelby’s. For a nanosecond the mother in the older woman recognizes the surprise and the joy – before they’re replaced by the guarded showface of someone who has been hurt one time too many. “Shelby”, Rachel says politely as she disentangles herself from Jesse. He doesn’t let her go, though, keeping an arm around her shoulders. “Wha-What you’re doing here?” She looks around quickly to assure neither Noah nor Quinn is around – she can’t imagine the world of pain they’ll go through if they see their daughter’s adoptive mother. “Is everything alright with… with Beth?”

(Shelby doesn’t feel Rachel shaking slightly, or the way she’s grasping the fabric of his coat on his back. Jesse does, though. He never mentions it, and his girlfriend is thankful for his silent support).

“Hey, baby”, Shelby says softly, a small, unsure smile on her lips. “You were wonderful up there, Rachel. I’m sure you gave Barbra a run for her money. And Beth’s fine, thank you for asking. She looks like her father. But she has her mother’s eyes, I think”.

Rachel blinks and smiles uncertainly. “Thank you”, she says quietly.

“Rachel!” Schuester’s voice comes from the dressing room, nd her daughter turns her head on that direction before addressing Shelby.

“I- I really have to go. But maybe…” She casts Jesse an unsure glance and he nods encouragingly. How could I have missed that last year? Shelby thinks. “Maybe you’d like to join us – Jesse and I – for dinner? Maybe we could… catch up?”

Shelby sees the offer for what it is – an olive branch, another tentative attempt at building a bridge. So she smiles and nods. “That’ll be wonderful”.

The joy in Rachel’s face is unabashedly open now. Shelby’s heart sings in response.

She has her baby back.

 


	10. maybe it's true (that I can't live without you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if Rachel meant what she said when she told Finn she had moved on before the 'Hello Goodbye' number in 'Hell-O'?

**here, there... everywhere**

_**#10:**_   _maybe it’s true (that I can’t live without you)_

**S** he feels like laughing when she approaches Finn to tell (lie to) him about ‘breaking up’ with Jesse (as if!). He tells her he has circled some dates on the ‘his-and-her’ calendars she had made them on the beginning of their relationship – or the farce she has come herself to notice was her relationship with Finn. Finn asks her again to get back together and she is thrown off balance for a moment – the lure of her fantasy (loser girl is shot to the top of the high school food chain by dating the popular quarterback) tantalizingly teasing her… until she remembers Jesse and the perfection of her Friday date.

_She was a little late getting ready for their outing so Jesse came to knock on her door. Her fathers were home, and in the five minutes between when she heard the muffled voices of her daddy exuberantly greeting him and when she came downstairs, Jesse managed to keep a steady flow of conversation with both Hiram and Leroy. There was nothing of the awkward silences she remembered from when Finn came to pick her up; they even hung out for a bit (forty-five minutes) with her fathers because the conversation between the three men was enthralling and so animated._

_“I like him. He’ll be good for you”, she remembers her dad (Leroy, who is the strict one) telling her when he gave her a hug before she left with Jesse. Hiram, her daddy (the ‘mother’ in the parental unit), was smiling all big and bright and the look in his eyes told him he was already planning a wedding (so different from when he used to see her out with Finn and have a disappointed little glimmer in his eyes)._

_She and Jesse went to catch an exhibit of ‘The Sound of Music’ in the Akron movie center with about 20 to 30 other people. They had a lot of fun singing along to the songs with the rest of the group, then going out for a snack and discussing Julie Andrews’ career. Jesse dropped her off more than a hour before her curfew and they sat on her front porch talking quietly and just getting to know more of each other._

It felt different (amazing) to know she was being listened, paid attention to. It was wonderful to find someone as interested in Broadway, and musicals, and theatre as she is herself. It was thrilling to try and find out if he knew more than she does.

It wasn’t that important until she was given the ultimatum by Kurt, Mercedes, Tina and Artie (and don’t think she doesn’t know who told them about her and Jesse. She’s not stupid. She knows Finn must have told someone – Mr. Schue, most likely – who then told the rest of them about it). Once confronted with the idea of losing Jesse, she simply couldn’t imagine her life without him being a part of it.

So, all that being said, Rachel looks at Finn and laughs. She laughs so hard tears run down her cheeks and she’s gasping for breath and leaning against the lockers next to his. Finn stares at her clueless, confused at her reaction to his renewed proposition to get back together, and she takes a deep breath – laughter still escaping through her lips every now and then – and wipes her eyes as she turns to him.

“You’ve made your choice, Finn. And I stand by what I said when you first came to me with the idea of getting back together. I’ve moved on. Maybe you and the rest of our teammates and choir coach are mistrustful of me to the point of giving me an ultimatum”, she feels smugly satisfied when he pales and flinches, “and I had to give up the best boyfriend an admittedly high-maintenance girl such as myself could ask for to keep you all happy, but that doesn’t immediately translate to me wanting to get back with you. See you at rehearsal”.

“You can’t brush me off like that. I’m not some guy you’ve met at the music store. I don’t give up that easy”, he calls, sounding confident, but she looks at him condescendingly.

“You already have given up, Finn. Don’t you remember? You broke up with me to chase your inner rockstar, who you thought you’d find underneath Brittany’s and Santana’s cheerio skirts. And now I’m free. Deliriously free. So thank you for that”. She’s smiling, bright and genuine, mind filled with JesseJesseJesse. “See you at rehearsal”.

* * *

**O** nce rehearsal is done for the day – she surrounded herself with Noah, Mike, Matt and Artie to avoid awkward conversations with Finn (he never could understand that no means no) – she catches a ride home with Noah and a big grin appears on her lips the moment she sees the Range Rover parked in her house’s driveway. Noah gives her a sideway glance and sighs. “You be careful, okay? And tell St. James he’ll have his ass kicked if he hurts you”.

She softens visibly and nods once, pecking his cheek before leaving his truck. “I’m home!” She calls out when she’s inside the house, her grin changing into a sweet smile when Jesse appears behind her fathers. She walks straight to him and wraps her arms around his waist. Smiling softly, he hugs her back, pressing his cheek against her hair and kissing the crown of her head sweetly. Behind her back, Hiram and Leroy exchange a knowing glance.

“Hey”, she breathes.

“Hey”, he replies. “What’s up?”

She steps back, lacing her fingers through his and beaming up at him. “Nothing. I…” She trails off when Jesse follows her fathers to the kitchen, tugging her behind him. “I’m just so happy you’re here”, she says quietly.

Jesse smiles at her before turning back to his conversation with the Berry men. Rachel tucks herself by his side and marvels at her good luck. 


	11. will we ever stop pretending?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What she finds – what she hears when she walks in the luscious space…  
> … It would be best to find Finn threatening to break Jesse's knees.  
> (Or worse. The world needs to learn of Jesse St. James’ and his triple-threat talent. She can’t decide right now).

**_#11:_ ** _will we ever stop pretending?_

**T** hey’re all gathered in front of their New York hotel, getting ready to jump into the bus that will drive them towards the airport. She’s still high on the amazing declaration of love Finn has written for and sung with her, still slightly disbelieving that he had managed to come up himself with such a beautiful ballad. But there’s something wrong, she knows, her psychic senses are alerting her, but she can’t exactly tell what it is, so she dismisses it as her insecure side trying to pop its ugly head up and blow her newfound happiness.

However, at the same time that she’s deeply excited for this new phase of her relationship with Finn (one that will last a year, and a year only, and he knows that already. Nothing is stopping her from coming back here, to the city she knows is her home), she can’t let go of that other young man ( _he_ is in no way a boy, never has been). Her heart clenches as she remembers how he planned to surprise her by coming to watch her winning performance and ended up surprised himself and humiliated when her new boyfriend (the one who wrote her a  _song_!) planted a kiss on her lips onstage and cost them all their first Nationals win.

“Stop thinking of him”, she tells herself firmly but silently as she looks around after Finn. He is nowhere in sight, the only one missing from their group of twelve. Sam and Mercedes are talking quietly to each other, and a small smile curves her lips as she watches their body language. If they’re not ready to come out with their new relationship, that’s quite okay with that (having had a secret romance in the past herself, she can understand the thrill and the excitement). She knows Mercedes and Sam are good for each other. They’ll be very happy, she knows.

Brittany and Santana, pinkies linked and the blonde’s cheek against the Latina’s shoulder, are immersed in a conversation with Noah and Quinn. Her eyes connect briefly with the former head Cheerio and she looks away, a pang of shame burning in her insides. She tries not to remember how just last week Quinn was the one target to Finn’s attentions and affections, and how suddenly he broke up with her for reasons still unknown. She also firmly tries not to remember how she herself was busy happily kissing and making out with another young man just last week, soft but experienced lips and a long lean body that hers fit nicely against.

Artie, Kurt, Lauren, Mike and Tina are hanging by the special entrance, discussing what to do now that the summer is theirs for the taking. This year the Asian couple won’t be heading to their camp, so they have quite a bit of time in their hands and Mike seems to be setting game dates with Artie. With a bored Lauren looking on, Tina and Kurt are discussing when to go check up the new nail salon on town, and she knows her best friend will call her so she decides to go find Finn. Mr. Schue is also nowhere to be seen so she hopes they’re together, talking about God knows what.

She goes back inside, fixing the strap of her purse on her shoulder as the cool breeze of air conditioning licks her skin and brings goose bumps to it. Her mind for a moment flashes back to a moment in time when it was the warm breath of a beautiful blue eyed man who caused her the same reaction, the feel of his body hovering over hers, hers twisting in arousal and ecstasy. Clenching her fists tightly (how can a memory bother her so?), she bites her lower lip and takes a deep, calming breath.  _Stop thinking of him!_  She orders herself, hating the touch of panic in her voice. It reminds her too much of the last time she desperately tried to avoid all and any memory of that particular love of hers, when she was so broken and hurt that she held tight to Finn to avoid being alone and bleeding.

Looking around after her boyfriend, she catches sight of their coach and, with a relieved sigh, walks towards him. He catches sight of her while talking to Ms. Rhodes and smiles tightly at her, and she fixes her brightest grin on place. “Mr. Schue, I’m sorry to bother you, but can you tell me where I can find Finn? He’s the only one not outside waiting for you to finish your conversation so we can drive to the airport”, she states politely, and the teacher seems to relax if only a bit.

“Finn’s just on the winter garden-” Schue begins to say, and she interrupts him with a nod.

“Thank you. I’ll go fetch him now”, she’s turned towards the winter garden when Schue’s voice holds her back.

“Rachel, wait. He’s talking with Jesse”.

Rachel frowns. Finn talking with… with  **Jesse**? She hopes against hope that it doesn’t involve Finn threatening Jesse with bodily harm (she doesn’t wish Jesse any more hurt than the pain she might have inadvertently caused him through her public display of affection with Finn earlier that day), and shoots Schue a small, thankful nod before hurrying towards the garden.

What she finds – what she  **hears** when she walks in the luscious space…

… It would be best to find Finn threatening to break Jesse’s knees.

(Or worse. The world needs to learn of Jesse St. James’ and his triple-threat talent. She can’t decide right now).

Her boyfriend is standing with her back turned towards the door, her former love in front of him but hidden of her view thanks to Finn’s larger and longer body. She stands by the door, her heart hammering inside her ribcage in anxiety and worry and a bit of panic as Finn’s and Jesse’s voices filter towards her.

“She loved the song, St. James, thank you”, Finn’s saying, and she’s smiling slightly, glad that Jesse has managed to get over his personal disgust for Finn in order to help New Directions. She’s proud of her ex, of how much he matured over the past year. His return and soulful apology healed that little bit of her that was still broken by his lies and deceits the previous year. She’s now a whole being, and has a whole heart to give away.

Jesse snorts and his voice is low and simmering with anger when he replies, “Tell me one thing, Hudson. Did you tell her  **I** wrote the song, or have you taken credit for the lyrics and melody I poured my heart and soul and sweat in order to win points with Rachel?” The silence that falls over the two boys is thick and heavy, and Rachel’s heart falls into her stomach as she notices her boyfriend shift and fidget slightly in a way she knows he does when he’s feeling guilt. A humorless and bitter laugh escapes Jesse’s lips. “Should’ve known better than to trust you with something that would drive Rachel away from me”, he mutters to himself quietly, and Rachel’s eyes flood with tears.

Jesse is marching past Finn, his face down, eyes fixed on the floor, when he stops halfway between Finn and a silently sobbing Rachel. “Just one thing, Hudson. Don’t dare to try and convince Rachel not to come to New York next year. It’s one thing to keep her from me because of her talent and beauty. I can deal with losing her if it means she’s happy. My mind is at ease that this time I had no secrets with her. But if I find out that she’s considering to stay in Ohio just to quell your fears… And you know I will, Puckerman  **will**  fill me in if he thinks Rachel’s future is in any jeopardy… I’ll personally come back to kick your ass. Rachel deserves better than to suffocate her being and give up on her goals for the sake of a scared little boy who doesn’t love her the way she deserves”.

Rachel slaps her hand over her mouth to keep her sobs quiet. She doesn’t know what to think, what to do, how to feel. She’s a mess of feelings and thoughts, but one thing stands big and bright on her mind: Jesse  **loves** her. He truly loves her and wants what’s best for her, even if it is Finn (for the year). So she steps into the opaque light of the winter garden, the filtered indirect light reflecting on her tear-tracked cheeks. Jesse’s and Finn’s eyes lock with hers, but she’s oblivious to the taller boy’s reaction to her presence. She never sees the way he pales and how his eyes widen.

She’s too focused on the way Jesse’s body stiffens when he recognizes her, and the concerned flash of his eyes when he notices she has been crying, before it’s quickly concealed by the indifferent mask she has seen only once before – a year ago during Regionals, when their eyes met and held during his performance of  _Bohemian Rhapsody_ , a performance that led him towards his fourth consecutive National win.

She walks silently towards him and stands in front of him, her red-rimmed eyes locking with his guarded blue ones. Her hand comes to rest on the curve of his cheek, fingers flicking absently with that rebellious lock of hair that always refuses to stay stylishly in place, no matter how much he tries to fix it. She loves to flick that lock back, to run her fingers through the silky strands, to use them to pull him closer when they’re kissing.

“It was you”, she says quietly. “I should have known. It makes more sense now”. Fresh tears brim in her dark eyes and he nods once, knowing there’s no use to deny what she has a hundred percent certainty it’s true. “When?” Her voice is thick with tears and he hates it, hates to see her crying, hates to see tears on her beautiful face.

“Right after Regionals last year. That moment while you were watching me perform… and when our eyes locked right before Vocal Adrenaline was announced winner… That was my inspiration”.

She nods, a tear finding its way down her cheek as his hand comes up and wipes it away. “ **Face to face and heart to heart. We’re so close, yet so far apart. I close my eyes, I look away. That’s just because I’m not okay. But I hold on. I stay strong, wondering if we still belong** ”, he sings, and she steps into his personal space, arms coming to wrap themselves around his slim waist, under his black leather jacket. Her face presses against his cotton-covered chest and she sobs and apologizes desperately into his shirt. He presses a kiss into her hair, his own eyes brimming with liquid. “Sing it for me, Rach”, he whispers, knowing he needs this, they need this to let go.

Her voice is broken and muffled, warm against his skin, which is slightly wet by her tears. Finn is still behind them, Jesse knows, but he also knows he has no idea what’s going on between his rival and the beautiful brunette they both want in their lives forever. “ _Will we ever say the words we’re feeling, reach down underneath and tear down all the walls? Will we ever have a happy ending, or will we forever only be pretending? Will we a-a-a always, will we a-a-a always, will we a-a-a always be… pretending?_ ”

They stand together, hugging, crying, when she whispers, so quietly he would have missed if not for his very sharp ears. “No. We’ll not”, she says, and he frowns. She leans a bit back and her eyes lock with his, full with feeling and meaning. “We will not always be pretending. But give me this year to get him out of my system. He wants Rachel, the little desperate girl. I can give that to him. But only if you promise you’ll have Rachel, the woman”.

A small smile curves his lips and he nods, pressing a tender kiss to her forehead. “I’ll be there”, he says against her skin, and she nods back, fingers digging into the muscles of his back before she lets go of him, turns back towards the door and says loudly for her boyfriend.

“Everyone is waiting out for you, Finn. Let’s just go”.

* * *

 

**_A year later._ **

**S** he’s standing on the halls of her NYU dorm building, surrounded by her friends from Lima, freshly graduated and ready for the rest of her life to start. She’s been single for more than eight weeks now, after Finn gave her the ultimatum she knew long before he would give her. She was given a choice to make, a choice that was made long before that ultimatum was issued – a choice she made a year ago, only Finn didn’t know that.

With the voices of Noah, Kurt, Blaine and Santana coming excitedly from everywhere around her, her eyes wander anxiously up and down the halls. Finally, when she’s about to give up and start panicking (has he forgotten their deal?), she sees a tall figure leaning confidently against a darkened wall. Something in that posture causes her heart to skip a beat and a smile to bloom in her lips.

She drops her bags and races towards him, her heels clicking hurriedly on the floor. A small smile is curving his pink lips as she jumps at him, arms wrapping around his neck and legs around his waist. Her nose meets that soft little spot in the curve of his neck from where she inhales the smell of him: it’s marine and leafy and spicy and intoxicating.

It’s purely Jesse.

“ _Hello, is it me you’re looking for?_ ” He sings, and she laughs before joining him for a revival of their first duet ever.

“ ** _I can see it in your eyes, I can see it in your smile. You’re all I’ve ever wanted, and my arms are open wide. Cause you know just what to say, and you know just what to do. And I want to tell you so much…_** ”

“I love you”, they say in unison before their lips mesh together in a passionate kiss. It’s the start of their happy ending, the end of their pretending, the beginning of their forever.

They never look back once.


	12. that's exactly what I need to do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe it’s the emotion she infuses the songs with, the passion she fills them with. Maybe it’s because it’s her, and he’s always biased when it’s about her. He’s the first to admit it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A rewrite to New York. I've never watched the episode and never will, but it deserved the St. Berry-friendly treatment.

**here, there… everywhere.**

**_#12:_ ** _that’s exactly what I need to do_

**T** he minute she steps offstage after that mess they called their Nationals performance – what was Finn  **thinking**? – she feels an icy shiver run down her spine and she turns around, panic clutching at her heart. Something is to happen, someone is there and she desperately sends a quick prayer above that it isn’t Jesse. She won’t live if he’s there and now thinking she wants Finn.

Her heart falls inside her chest when her warm brown eyes lock with furious, gelid blue ones and don’t budge.  _Shit_ , she thinks, panicked, as Jesse looks disdainfully, hatefully,  **brokenly**  at her before shaking his head negatively and turning her his back. Panic freezes her insides and she does the one thing she knows to keep him there.

She starts to sing.

_Some say I’ll be better without you_

_But they don’t know you like I do_

_Or at least the sides I thought I knew_

_I can’t bear this time_

_It drags on as I lose my mind_

_Reminded by the things I find_

_Like notes and clothes you left behind_

_Wake me up – wake me up when all is done_

_I won’t rise until this battle is won_

_My dignity’s become undone_

* * *

 

**J** esse stops.

The minute she starts singing, he stops, because he walked away from her while she was singing once and it was the worst decision he ever made. It led him to San Diego and to Vocal Adrenaline and ultimately to that fateful day where he crushed that egg on her forehead in McKinley High’s parking lot. He doesn’t want a repeat of that time – not when they have made so much  **progress**  – so he stays.

She starts singing Adele and, since he has his back turned to her, she doesn’t see the small smile that curves his lips. The English soul singer became a fairy godmother of sorts for them, since their acapella performance of  _Rolling In The Deep_ two weeks ago. They have been singing many of her songs since rekindling their relationship – sort of, he admits – and Rachel’s voice is so different from Adele’s, but somehow Adele’s songs always click with Rachel’s tone.

Maybe it’s the emotion she infuses the songs with, the passion she fills them with.

Maybe it’s because it’s  **her** , and he’s always biased when it’s about her. He’s the first to admit it.

As Rachel sings – and her voice grows thicker with tears and emotion, but doesn’t sound any less beautiful – he turns slowly to her. She’s surrounded by her New Directions peers, Puckerman holding a furious-looking Hudson with the surprising help of Hummel, Evans and Jones. But the tiny brunette diva doesn’t seem to realize they’re no longer by themselves in the backstage space, her eyes focused on him, Jesse, and only on him.

She takes a small step towards him, eyes shining with tears, and jumps into the song chorus.

_But I won’t go – I can’t do it on my own_

_If this ain’t love, then what is?_

_I’m willing to take the risk_

_I won’t go – I can’t do it all alone_

_If this ain’t love then what is?_

_I’m willing to take the risk_

Rachel’s now all but marching towards him, her slow but sure steps reminding him eerily of himself marching towards her a few weeks ago while serenading her – begging for her forgiveness – with another Adele’s song. A small smirk curves his lips as she grins and he knows she remembers it. How can she not, when all their moments are branded in their hearts and minds, unforgettable.

_He Won’t Go_ isn’t a song he pictured Rachel singing to him – ever – but somehow she makes it fit. Maybe it’s the look in her eyes, that mix of absolute despair and loss, but at the same time hope and joy glimmering in her brown pools. Maybe it’s the woman he sees behind the insecure teenager she is right now – that driven, brave, strong young woman he knows is popping up for the first time now, because of him. She’s making a statement, a  **fucking** statement, she has her foot down and to hell with the others if they don’t like it.

When he reaches this conclusion, when he sees the woman Rachel Berry behind the insecure mess that is the teenager Rachel Berry, his heart has made the decision his head just now has come to. Because his voice joins hers, in a warning, a piece of advice.

A promise.

**There will be times we’ll try and give it up**

**Bursting at the seams, no doubt**

**We’ll almost fall apart, then burn the pieces**

**To watch them turn to dust**

**But nothing will ever taint us**

**I won’t go – I can’t do this on my own**

**If this ain’t love then what is?**

**I’m willing to take the risk.**

**I won’t go – I can’t do this all alone**

**If this ain’t love then what is?**

**I’m willing to take the risk**

Jesse holds out a hand for her once she’s close enough to take it, big identical grins in their faces. She takes his hand, entwines her fingers with his, and he uses his hold on it to pull her close. She comes with a silent giggle, her free hand coming to rest on his chest, her body pressing firmly against his. His free arm comes to wrap itself around her slim waist, bringing her even closer – if that’s even possible – but they’re too immersed in their performance and each other to realize the entranced and interested looks of everyone else around them.

**When we spoke yesterday**

**You said to hold my breath, to sit and wait**

_I’ll be home so soon, I won’t be late_

_He won’t go – he can’t do it on his own_

**_If this ain’t love then what is?_ **

_He’s willing to take the risk –_ **_so I won’t go_ **

_He can’t do it on his own_

**_If this ain’t love then what is?_ **

**_We’re willing to take the risk…_ **

They’re panting once they finish singing, bodies pressed so close together some feel the urge to look away, as if they’re watching some private moment not proper for public eyes. But the majority is watching, absolutely hypnotized, holding their breaths for what is to come next.

And what else should come next, but a kiss?

Rachel is the one to make the first move, fingers tangling with Jesse’s messy curls and pulling him close as she stands on her tiptoes and presses her lips quite fervently against his, feeling his lips curl into a smirk against hers. He hurls her close and slides his tongue along the seams of her lips, tasting the salt of her sweaty skin and the sweetness of her lipgloss and making her moan quietly into their caress. His smirk grows wider and she giggles before tugging gently at his hair and gently scrapping her nails along the back of his neck, making  **him**  moan quite loudly.

The sounds of cheering and a loud catcall – “You go, Berry!”, definitely from Noah – make them break apart, Jesse smirking, Rachel blushing like crazy, but both grinning and panting.

Hudson marches towards them, and Jesse’s smirk turns dangerous as he tightens his hold on Rachel. But, before ND’s oaf of a lead can speak, Rachel breaks away from Jesse’s embrace, stalks towards her stage partner and slams her hand quite forcefully against Hudson’s cheek, a furious glower marring her face.

“What were you  **thinking**?” She shrieks. “Do you know how  **unprofessional**  that was of you? You all but sent us packing by the time you insanely decided to kiss me on that stage, Finn!  **I told you we couldn’t be anything more than friends!** ” She’s yelling now, a goddess in her fury, so breathtaking and seductive Jesse can’t look away from her. “Stay the  **fuck**  away from me! God, I don’t want to see you ever again!” She turns her back to her shocked, gaping ex and storms away, taking Jesse’s hand and tugging him behind her.

They leave behind a handful of stunned teenagers. But Puck is smirking and whistling victoriously. Sam is grinning all proud and happy. Quinn, surprisingly, is smirking too, looking vindicated at her lousy ex. (Once again he picks Berry over her, and once again Berry picks  **St. James** over him. That’s not nearly enough for the pain Finn caused her, but it’s a start).

Once they’re safely away from her teammates – but still inside the theater, and Rachel has her cell phone with her, and Jesse has his, so Schuester can find them if he wants to – she turns to him, breathless but fierce. “Don’t make me  **regret**  choosing you over my team, St. James”, she states, almost threateningly.

But Jesse replies seriously, wrapping his arms around her waist and bringing her close so that her hands rest over his chest. “I won’t, Miss Berry”, he promises, kissing her lovingly, sweetly, promisingly.

He really doesn’t

 


	13. make me feel beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set during Born This Way. While pondering whether to operate or not on her nose, Rachel receives a surprising and unexpected call.

**here, there... everywhere.**

**#13:** _make me feel beautiful_

**O** kay, so when her phone rings, the familiar notes echoing in her ear, hauntingly familiar, for the first time in months, and she sees his name on her caller ID? She’s so not expecting that the first words Jesse says to her in months aren’t an apology, but, “Tell me you’re not considering having a nose job. Please.”

Rachel stares in stunned disbelief at her pink bejeweled cell phone, blinking owlishly then frowning in annoyance. “Good morning to you too, Jesse. How are you? Long time no talk.”

“I don’t have time for a lesson in manners, Rachel. Not **now** ,” Jesse snaps, annoyed, takes a deep breath and softens his voice. “Tell me you are **not** thinking about having a nose job.”

Her heart races at the gentleness in his voice, but she can’t help but answer sarcastically. “I’m fine too, so polite of you to ask. Where are you? And who told you about that?”

“Rachel”, he growls softly. “I know you think you’re being cute, but you’re not. Just answer the fucking question!”

“Language,” Rachel scolds distractedly, sitting on the bench of her vanity. The tip of her finger slides from one side to the other of the Band-Aid sitting on the bridge of her nose as she fleetingly remembers sitting on that same spot with Jesse watching her as she sang to her heart content. “Answer mine first and I’ll **consider** answering yours.”

“Who do you **think** told me?” He replies, a hint of annoyed fondness in his voice, and she can almost **see** the smirk that blooms on his face.

It’s a smirk so similar but so different to one she’s used to seeing at least three times every day that it makes her growl. “Goddamn you, Noah,” she curses, quietly, and her heart skips a beat at the chuckle that echoes from Jesse’s side of the line. Oh, she’ll so  **kill** him!

“So it’s true, then? You’re really considering shaping your nose after Quinn Fabray’s.” Jesse doesn’t bother to deny her conclusions; her mindframe is too much like his own for him to try and deceive her.

Truth is Puck and Jesse have somehow worked out their issues over last summer. Puck ran into Jesse on the mall and, before he even stopped to think about the consequences, he punched the living daylights out of the former VA lead because of his treatment of Rachel. In the end, both boys were drunk out of their asses and Jesse promised to keep an eye out for Beth (in his drunken stupor, Puck told one of his fears was that Shelby would treat his little girl like she did Rachel) if Noah looked after Rachel in Lima and called Jesse if anything of importance took place.

And Rachel considering to alter her remarkable nose after having it broken by her talentless oaf of a male lead?

To both Jesse and Puck, that qualifies as something of importance.

“I’m still considering it,” Rachel says defensively, wincing reflexively as her fingertip touches a particularly sore spot in her nose bridge. “It’s certainly an option, since it’ll improve my singing according to the doctor. The aesthetic side of the operation is just, you know, a bonus.”

“Rachel…” Jesse sighs, sounding simultaneously exhausted, annoyed and upset. “Your singing is  **flawless**. Operating on your nose will change nothing about that. So, please,  **stop** lying to me. You’ve never done it before. Don’t start now.”

Silence stretches between them, their breathing synchronizing, hearts beating up rapidly. Rachel’s the first to crack under the pressure of the quietness between them, even heavier because of the words that linger between them. It’s words they need to say, but don’t dare to, too afraid of opening themselves up for even more heartache. Rachel’s terrified of having her heart even more beat up, Jesse’s scared of destroying this tentative truce that exists between them and losing her completely.

“Quinn’s nose is perfect. The doctor himself said so,” she whispers. Unseen by the boy she’s talking to, a thin sheen of tears pools in her eyes and she quickly wipes them, hoping to keep Jesse from realizing she was a step from breaking down in tears. “Is it wrong of me to want to look a little bit pretty?”

In the other side of the country, Jesse gapes in disbelief. “You cannot be serious, Rachel. Please tell me you’re joking,” he sputters, his hands shaking in anger as he clenches and unclenches his fists.

“Do I  **sound**  like I'm joking?” The female lead of New Directions retorts hotly, all previous quietness forgotten in the heat of the moment, of her hurt over his disbelief towards her words.

In his dorm room on UCLA, Jesse stands up and paces back and forth like a caged tiger, fighting the urge to rip his hair out. This… this depressed, self-hating, low-self-esteemed girl is **not** his Rachel, is not the sure of herself, strong young woman he left a year ago in the parking lot of the auditorium where Regionals had happened.

“No, but you sure sound like a Paris Hilton wannabe,” he shoots back angrily, flinching inwardly at her gasp and mentally cursing himself for hurting her once again. But apparently his anger at her low self-esteem is larger than his regret. “What’s next, Rachel? A boob job? Bleaching your hair peroxide blonde? Wearing green contact lenses? Developing eating disorders?!” He yells, then as suddenly as it started all anger leaves him and he falls back on his bed, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Is Hudson really worth all this, Rach?” He asks quietly.

“This has nothing to do with Finn!” Rachel shouts back in indignation, replacing the loose Band-Aid with a brand new one. “Yes, he has broken my nose, but he’s not the reason I’m considering the operation, deep down.”

“Yes, he is.  You’re lying through your teeth, Rachel.” Jesse states, takes a deep breath and carries on more calmly. “Rach, for the love of Barbra, stop and **think** for a moment. And, once in your life, be honest to yourself. Okay, so your nose isn’t small and delicate like Quinn or Santana or any other girl. But it fits you. You’re not someone to blend in, Rach. You were born to stand out, to be noticed, showered with attention. If you change anything in or about yourself, you’ll just be one more in the crowd. And that…” He makes a pause, adds almost sadly after a beat, “… that would be a big loss for the world.”

They stayed in silence after his quite passionate speech. She was clutching her phone so tightly the rhinestones were almost cutting into her smooth palm, and with a silent sigh she rose from her vanity seat and paddled over to her bed, falling into it with a soft bump.

“Rach?” This time it’s him who breaks the silence, body stretched in his his single bed, eyes watching without seeing at his dorm’s ceiling. “You there still?”

She hums in response, eyes closed as she gently touches the hem of her pillowcase. “This changes nothing,” she lies through her teeth, knowing this changes everything. Jesse ignored all the pain and hurt they’d caused each other over the last year, all because of his concern for her. How can this **not** change everything?

Jesse chuckles softly, turning on his side so he can stare at the picture of her that he keeps on his nightstand. It had been taken on the day of the Cheerios assembly, when Mercedes bravely stood up for herself singing  _Beautiful_  after asking who of all the students present had ever felt they weren’t good enough. He had been one of the firsts to raise his hand, Rachel shyly following his lead. They were sitting side by side, his arm draped over her shoulders and his lips pressing a sweet kiss to her supple cheek. “Yes, I know, Rach.”

He knows this changes everything. So he had to speed his plan to win her trust back up a little bit. It’s worth it, if it keeps her physically the same girl he met a little over a year ago.

Silence falls over them again, a companionable silence, comfortable and cozy, like the silences between them have always been from the beginning. Oh how he longs for the chance of being near her during this tiring time, lending her his strength, comforting her, cuddling with her in her yellow and white bedroom as they watch their favorite movies and musicals while sharing a bowl of vegan-friendly snacks. But he can't. Not now. Not **yet**. He isn't doing so good in his classes right now – apart from the ones related to performing – and he has to step up before he ran out of time to make up for the lost classes.

“The Barbra-vention… Was it your idea too?” She asks quietly, rising from her comfy bed to cross the room so she can turn off the lights. Once the room is bathed in darkness, with only her night lamp on providing a small source of light, she settles back in her bed, the sheets rustling softly as she makes herself comfortable.

Jesse forces himself to bite his lower lip and reign a groan in as the soft sounds of her moving around in her formidable bed reach his ears. Instantly his mind flashes back to times where he would himself make himself home in that same bed, her body pressed intimately against his, her head weighing in his biceps as they talked about anything and everything under the sun. Struggling to focus on the right now, he makes a negative sound. “That was all Hummel, and Puckerman. They were really worried with you, you know. As am I.”

“I’ve told you,” she replies pelutantly, “I just want to  **feel**  beautiful.”

Jesse sighs in exasperation. “But, Rach, you  **are**  beautiful. Okay, so you don’t look like a human Barbie doll. But you’re simply  **gorgeous**. And not only on the outside. You have inner beauty too, and that makes you so much prettier than Quinn, Santana or any other girl in McKinley,” he replies quietly, vehemently. After a small pause, he adds, “You remind me of a young Idina Menzel, do you know that?”

Something in his words makes Rachel smile, and then she starts to chuckle quietly, making him, unknowingly to her, frown in strangeness. “What’s so funny?”

“Not… Nothing,” the pint-sized diva stammers, still laughing. “It’s just… For a moment I thought you would say young Sue Sylvester. Coach Sylvester is always telling Santana and Quinn they remind her of a younger herself,” she explains, in between bouts of laughter. Widening his eyes, Jesse joins her in the laughter, and both laugh so hard they have tears streaming down their faces.

After they fall silent once again, panting heavily from their laughter, they stay on the phone, just hearing the other breathe. In that moment, what stands between them doesn’t matter: Shelby, Finn, the distance, their issues, the heartache they previously caused each other. Both are smiling softly, their breaths coming in sync.

Their bubble is burst by the sound of gentle raps on her bedroom door. “Princess?” Hiram Berry pushes the door open and pops her head in the crack. “It’s bedtime, sweetheart. Bid goodbye to your friend and go to sleep.”

“Okay, daddy,” she says softly, a small smile on her lips. “Good night. Say good night for papa for me, will you?”

Hiram nods with a small smile and, blowing his daughter a kiss, he closes the door. Sighing, Rachel returns to her call. “I have to go.”

“I’ve heard,” Jesse says, sadly. “Rach, please take in consideration what I told you.”

“I will,” she promises him, her voice sweet and soft in the near darkness of her room. A small yawn escapes her lips, and he begins humming some tune. It was something he used to do back when they were dating: they would stay talking into the wee hours of the night, and once she got drowsy and sleepy he would hum her to sleep. Now, it comes to him again, as naturally and instinctively as breathing, as involuntarily as the beating of his heart. “Good night, Jess,” she whispers, voice thick with sleep.

“Night, Rach.” After a moment, he adds, “Baby?”

She hums in response.

“I love you.”


	14. a fire in my heart that just won't die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “When Rachel loses her virginity, neither does she plan it out, nor does she expect it. Nonetheless, it’s still absolutely perfect.”  
> Rewrite to season one, obviously. Spoilers to The Power of Madonna.

**here, there... everywhere.**

**#1 _4_ : ** _a fire in my heart that just won’t die._

 

**I** t happens when she least expects it to.

Two weeks after the fiasco of her planned first time with Jesse (her first time ever), Jesse kisses her softly after they finish singing ‘Beauty and the Beast’, the Disney-slash-Angela-Lansbury movie version, not its Celine Dion and Peabo Bryson counterpart (the Beast is one of the roles he plans on tackling once they’re taking Broadway up by storm, and he’s adamant she’ll be his Belle). Rachel allows him to lay her down on her bed, his body long and lean, sprawled next to hers as he gently rolls her on her side, his fingers lightly sliding up and down the curves of her body.

She can’t be dressed more differently from the day she tried to give herself to him if she tried. She’s wearing pink and white checkered pajamas shorts and a white tank top that he reverently slides off her body, leaving her with only her neon pink bra and leopard-printed boyshort-cut panties on. That fateful night, she had carefully chosen a lacy pink thong with matching bra underneath her silky pink camisole and cape. The outfit and the lingerie are neatly hidden inside her drawers, and every now and then she touches them with a soft smile on her face, wishing…

Wishing she has the courage to wear them again and let him see her in them.

Wishing she feels confident enough to take that step with him, successfully this time.

Knowing the time will come that all these things will happen.

(She can’t help but hope it comes quickly.)

Looking at her like she’s the most precious, most beautiful woman he has ever seen, he kisses her again, and suddenly rolls them both so he’s lying on his back on her mattress and she stretches over him, her face tilted down towards his so they keep on kissing. Locks of her hair, which she has earlier tied up in a messy bun, escape from their elastic prison and fall over his face, tickling his cheeks gently. He chuckles and raises his hand to tuck the rebellious strands behind her ear, his fingertips lovingly stealing a caress against the rosy, flushed skin of her own cheek, and she turns her lips just so she can press a kiss to his palm.

Dressed down to her underwear, she can’t help but flash back to her ‘Like-a-Virgin’ induced breakdown and compare how different she feels now than she felt then. Then, she was simply all over the place, an anxious, worried mess of nerves and concerns and fears as she hid within her bathroom, taking her time and getting busy with styling her hair while he patiently waited for her on the other side of door. Then, he had been the one to subtly talk her into doing it, and she had given in, anticipating it until the time came and she… simply froze.

Now, they’re relaxed, unhurried, unworried, both taking time to enjoy each other’s company and the caresses they’re exchanging. Close to six weeks into their relationship, Rachel feels more secure, more confident. Now, she gives and takes as much as he does, but there’s no pressure from his side to turn their makeout into something more. Because of him, she has grown confident in herself, and she feels more than okay being on top of him, his hard body pressing against her lithe curves.

It should come as a shock to her that tonight she feels ready to take that final leap with him, but it really doesn’t. She just feels ready. She wants it, wants him, and is ready to be with him intimately, to let him in her most secret recess.

Jesse, in turn, has learned to respect Rachel and her pace, not forcing her to give him what she isn’t willing to give him just yet, not rushing her through the motions, but knowing the time will come when they’ll take that final step – together. Used that he was with sexually liberated girls from Vocal Adrenaline and Carmel, he has realized he enjoys the intimacy and the joy of a good makeout session, the closeness it brings without being completely close.

Unaware of what is going in her mind, it’s a surprise for him when she makes him sit up on her bed and tugs at his black t-shirt, bunching it up slightly, her eyes dark and deep with passion as she slides the garment off his body. Their makeout sessions usually lead to **Rachel** being undressed, not Jesse. Jesse always stays with all his clothes on when they make out, making sure they won’t cross the point of no return before **Rachel** is ready for them to.

Jesse groans softly when her underwear-clad flesh touches his half-naked skin, and he kisses her a little more forcefully, a little more passionately. Rachel kisses him back with equal enthusiasm, her soft moans muffled by his lips against hers. He can feel that haze of love and lust that she weaves around him pulling him in, and willingly goes headfirst, but then he feels her tiny, smooth hands fumbling with his belt.

Him being in his boxers is the further they’ve gone until now, and he finds the strength to pull away from that tender and delicious spot on her jawline, his eyes dark and serious as they meet hers. “Rachel… Are sure?” He whispers, searching for hesitation in her gaze.

She meets his eyes with determination and certainty, her eyes burning with passion as she runs her fingers through his curls, slides them down the back of his neck and over the muscles of his torso, her fingertips tickling his heated skin. He shivers when she brings her lips close to his earlobe and bites it softly, her breath caressing his skin. “I’m ready,” she whispers. “For real this time.”

Jesse pulls fully away from her and sits up on her bed, flipping them both so she is the one lying on her back. His eyes are reverent on her as he lies her down, and he steps away from her embrace, standing on his feet next to the bed, their eyes locked as he undoes his belt, pops his button open and tugs down his fly, pulling his pants down his legs until the jeans pool over his feet, allowing him to step out of them.

Clad only in his black boxers, he stands in front of Rachel, and she inhales sharply, involuntarily licking her lips as her eyes roam over his body, coming to stop on the impressive bulge hidden under the soft, dark cotton. Slowly, she moves so she’s kneeling on the mattress in front of him, their eyes locked as she holds a hand out to him.

“Come to bed, Jesse,” Rachel invites him in a whisper; there’s no hint of nervousness or insecurity in her deep chocolate brown pools as they stay firmly locked with his stormy blue-grey eyes.

Jesse nods silently, takes her hand and entwine his fingers with hers. Rachel gently tugs him back to her queen-sized bed.

Rachel loses her virginity when she least expects it. She isn’t wearing her beautiful nightgown, her cute cape or her sexy, lacy, **matching** lingerie. She doesn’t have her hair curled at the ends and there is no hint of makeup on her face. There is no sultry song to help set the mood, no candlelight to reflect in the alabaster of Jesse’s skin, no red rose petals tickling her skin as she and her boyfriend move together against them.

Instead, she’s wearing her everyday lounge clothes, some of her less than sexy lingerie, and her hair is tied up in a wild and messy bun (or at least it is before Jesse slides his fingers into her silky locks and tugs them free of its restricting band). She smells of her Victoria’s Secret Love Spell body wash, has her bedroom light on and makes her own, sweet music with Jesse as her soft whimpers, moans and groans mix with his deep, rough grunts and moans. His name escapes her lips like a prayer, and he hisses her out like a caress. Her pink and white striped sheets get wet with their mingled sweat and offer a source of coolness against her heated body when they’re done, when Jesse’s flesh rests on the cradle of her hips, his face hidden in the pillow of her breasts.

When Rachel loses her virginity, neither does she plan it out, nor does she expect it.

Nonetheless, it’s still absolutely perfect.


End file.
